


Poolside

by sadhungryghost



Series: Monsta X/Reader [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Class Differences, F/M, Rough Sex, Top Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Vaginal Sex, boyfriend shownu, gardener shownu, landscaper shownu, rich girl/poor boy, sugar baby shownu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-02-27 07:17:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18734251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadhungryghost/pseuds/sadhungryghost
Summary: Your parents had always been the type to spend money. They would always rather pay someone to do their work instead of get their hands dirty. Yes, it resulted in beautiful landscaping, beautiful décor, and cleanliness but it always irked you in a way you couldn’t understand. Until Son Hyunwoo.





	1. young god

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted [here](https://monsta-sextories.tumblr.com/post/161554913849/poolside-1)

You remembered the first day you saw him, getting straight to work. Summer was approaching and the weather was getting hotter each day. That didn’t stop him, not even in the slightest. He removed one layer, and then the next as the day went on and you couldn’t deny he had your full attention. He was beautiful. Body, face, demeanor. You watched him that first day from the back patio as he trimmed, pulled, cut, and replaced the old foliage with the new. Your parents approved of his work and you approved of him. They offered him a job for the rest of the summer, taking care of the land and helping out with other odds and ends. The money was good so you knew he’d take it. What you didn’t expect was how hard you would have to work just to get noticed.

Your parents rarely stayed at the house during the summer. They liked to travel and owned a vacation home somewhere nicer. Usually you would tag along, regretting your decision after one boring day at the hotel spa with your mother, or a dreary plane ride, or a bad sunburn. Your father called you restless. Your mother called you spoiled.

So this summer you decided to stay behind. After a list long of warnings, they left you behind and you felt like you could finally breathe. You wouldn’t quite be alone, there was always someone else in the house. Cleaners, landscapers, dog groomers. Always someone stopping by, usually with a pending paycheck. You wished for just one week, they would all disappear. You hated watching people work around you. Not just because it was the work of your family but because it made you agitated. It looked boring and awful. Then again, siting by the pool for hours a day was also boring and awful, for you at least. Spoiled and restless.

It was only a matter of time before you got bored. And when you were bored, you liked to play games.

“Hyunwoo?” you called from your lounge chair on the side of the pool.

You saw him poke his head up from where he was laying mulch, sweat dripping down his tanned skin. His loose white tank top was soaked and stained with dirt.

“It’s break time,” you say curling your finger at him as you stand up from your chair. You don’t have to turn around to know he’s following you, so you continue on to the patio. The smoothed cobble feels good against your bare feet and a breeze catches your dress.

“Hungry?” you ask still making your way for the house. Glass doors open up to the patio straight from the east kitchen and dining room. It’s perfect for parties because the food gets sent straight out here for the guests. There’s no party right now, but you love the freedom of open doors and right now, there’s no one here to close them.

“Uh, thank you ma’am but I’m fine,” he says from behind you. You cringe at the word “ma’am.”

“I’ve been watching you all day. You’re starting to get sluggish,” you retort as you pass on into the house. It isn’t true, but it’s easier than trying to convince him he’s probably on the verge of a heat stroke. You turn around when you notice the absence of sound from behind you.

Hyunwoo stands just outside the kitchen as if blocked by an invisible wall.

“You can come in,” you say giving him a smile. He looks down at his work boots, covered in dirt. “Just take them off,” you offer.

He does so hesitantly and then follows you into the kitchen.

“I was thinking something simple, like maybe,” you open one of the two refrigerators, blatantly showing off all the options hoping it entices him a bit, “salmon? Steak? Chicken? Seasoned vegetables or a salad… maybe a side of fruit?… take your pick.”

You turn around to see him staring at you with wide eyes, “I thought Betsy was off today?” he asks referring to one of your home cooks. You snort.

“Of course Betsy’s off, it’s Sunday. You could be off too if you’d like?” you tell him. Hyunwoo never asks for days off.

“So who would be cooking-“

“Are you insinuating that I don’t know how to cook for myself?” you ask with a smile, you want to come off teasing but the apology he gives you leads you to believe he might actually think you’re offended.

Betsy was the house cook since you were a child. You had learned to cook from watching her, and as you grew older it became one of your secret hobbies. You traveled around with your family, and you’d always try new foods, trying to find new recipes that the two of you could learn together. Out of all your memories in this house, the kitchen was where you shared most of your memorable ones. Maybe you were just showing off, jumping at the chance to finally display your talents.

“Relax,” you say, taking a few steps back to let him examine the fridge, “please pick something, anything.”

“Uh, I brought a lunch, it’s really not-“

“Brown bagged turkey and cheese again?” you ask with a twist of disgust, “You’ve gotta be tired of that.”

He takes a deep exhale and then shrugs, “Okay, uh… steak.”

You smile wide and pull out his selection.

“Now, you can take a seat somewhere while I get this started. If you’re thirsty, there’s glasses in the cabinet and a fridge full of organic nonsense. But at least it’s cold.”

He doesn’t say much, you’ve come to notice that Hyunwoo is a man of few words, but at the core of everyone one of those rare words is respect. And although it is reluctant you hear a clear, “Thank you,” before he turns to walk back outside.

….

The next day you woke to the sound of birds chirping and the faint rays of sun filtering through your bedroom window. Thick draping curtains couldn’t hold back the midday rays.

You didn’t usually sleep in, but last night you had gotten carried away with the wine. You had initially hoped it would loosen up Hyunwoo, but it quickly turned into too many glasses for you.

You couldn’t remember exactly if you had propositioned Hyunwoo last night, or just thought about it. But you jumped out of bed at the feeling of a dry mouth and stiff back. You headed to your small balcony doors. The balcony itself wrapped around the entire house so you stretched in your silk night dress a few times before sliding your feet into your slippers to head outside. You followed the railing all the way to the side of the house where you knew Hyunwoo would be working today.

Surprise, there he was, dressed and fully functional, immersed in his work. It didn’t seem right to be so envious of dirt but there you were, wishing he had shown you the same interest last night.

Chatting over dinner really turned into you filling in the silence with stories about yourself. All of your expensive this, and classy that… something that you were starting to see Hyunwoo had no interest in. You couldn’t blame him. The only time you ever had a good time was when you weren’t where you were supposed be, doing whatever you weren’t supposed to be doing.

You saw him finally stand up, stretching out his back and neck with a slight wince. You made a mental note of that. Maybe you could have your masseuse make a visit this week.

You remembered watching him last night, hesitant to eat as you put down the food. His hand coming up quickly to grip the silverware and then as if hyper-aware of himself he stopped. You just shook your head and gestured to the food.

“Go ahead, eat,” you smiled picking up your own fork.

There was certainly something handsome about Hyunwoo. The dirt and sweat didn’t detract from that, and if anything, they added to it.

“Hyunwoo, you’re going to be here all summer,” you had said between bites, he looked up from his plate to meet your gaze, “So am I. I think it would be nice if we got to know each other.” You said with a grin.

Now, as you stared out over the balcony you saw him turn to head over to the next section closer to the house when he looked up to see you standing there. You half expected him to stare longer, be stunned at your morning beauty. Hair falling to your shoulders, champagne silk shimmering against your skin. But he only nodded in your direction and offered a brief wave as he continued on.

Hmph. You thought with a smile. This was going to be an interesting summer.

…

Growing up the way you did you had learned a very reassuring lesson… or not so reassuring depending how you looked at it. You could potentially get anyone to do anything you wanted if you could name the right price. Lucky for you, your family always knew how to name the right price.

You watched Hyunwoo from the same long chair as before. You made sure your skin was coated in oils and your thick rimmed sunglasses hid your gaze. You didn’t want to come off as pining after all. Your white swimsuit fit you perfectly and showed off your body like it was made for you. Because it was.

Right now your parents were probably on a boat somewhere laughing over mimosas and talking about the poor economy in countries they’d only ever fly over.

You sighed, wondering what else you could be doing today. You were sick of spa treatments, it was too hot for tennis, and you had gone shopping yesterday. You were tired of pretending to read the book in your lap, and all of your “friends” were islands away, enjoying their summers of luxury.

You stood up from your chair and tossed your sunglasses and book to the side. You walked to the edge of the pool where the diving bored mounted. You jumped a few times and then curled, pushing your body into a perfect dive. When you broke the surface you felt the water submerge you, taking with it the heat baked into your skin. It felt refreshing and calming. You swam deeper until you reached the bottom of the swimming pool. Absolute silence.

You kept your eyes open as you made your way back up, seeing the sun rays reflected among the molecules, parting and merging and parting again as the ripples of water tore them apart and pieced them back together.

Coming up for air always caught you feeling full again. You used to wait for the burn in your chest as the lack of oxygen left you swallowing nothing behind pursed lips. You gasped for air and stared wide at the sky above you as you came to a flat position against the surface. Sunlight warm, cloaking you once more. Your hair floats alongside of you, limbs spread out in other directions. These were the times you felt the most beautiful, the most powerful and alive.

You flipped over onto your side as you made your way back to the pool steps. As you did, you felt the water rolling further and further down your body until you were leaving the chlorine behind you. Your hair stuck to your skin and your suite felt plastered and weighed down. The pulse of adrenaline still pounded through you as your lungs took their fill once again. Beautiful, powerful, alive… and no one to see it.

You turned your head at the sight of something in your peripheral. Son Hyunwoo, standing there with sweat dripping down his face and a discarded tshirt hanging off his shoulder. His eyes were on you, for one… two.. three blinks before he turned away reaching his hands back into the soil.

No one to see… except maybe the one person you were trying to show.


	2. hunger

The small guest house fit a small bedroom, a shared living room and kitchen area, and a bathroom. It had been your place to hide when you were young enough to get away with it. Before it became a “childish cry for attention.”

In all honesty, it was the only place with one set of keys and you had stolen them long ago. You saw it as a safe place- quiet and personal. A place for you to tack up your drawings, walk around naked, and make messes. When you finally dug out the key, you walked in half expecting it to look as if someone had just cleaned and straightened up. Sights you were used to seeing. But upon unlocking the door, you found it untouched.

Maybe you would have smiled, maybe you would have danced. But you weren’t that person anymore. You were refined, cultured, and sophisticated. So you closed the door and let yourself wander slowly around the room of memories. Childhood innocence of staying up late, painting without brushes, and sneaking off with liters of soda to last you the night. You stifled a laugh remembering your smaller self. Someone who was creative, and bold, and fearless… and happy.

You sighed as you ripped down the large squares of aged paper. You kicked around the pillows thrown on the ground and cringed at the sight of old chip bags. It was far from livable now you thought. But at least it was quiet and far enough from eavesdroppers to make a quick call.

“Daddy,” you said placing your phone to your ear, “I just had a great idea.”

…

After a few days of sending your usual housekeepers in to clean out the old, you called in an electrician to make any repairs to the lights and other fixtures. You had a plumber take a look at the shower that seemed weak in water pressure, and you had new bedding delivered as well as any other odds and ends you could imagine a human being needing for daily life. Most importantly, you made sure Hyunwoo was nowhere to be seen. For now.

“Miss,” you heard a familiar voice from behind you. It was Betsy, much older than the last time you had both been in this small house. She looked just as skeptical as always, but she was holding a large box full of what looked like trash.

“Are you sure you want to throw out all these beautiful drawings?” she asked. You smiled knowing full well they were far from beautiful, but Betsy had always encouraged you to make things. She seemed to always have the magic touch that could help transform whatever you were trying to create into gold. You were always so jealous of the easy way she could come up behind you and show you just how to hold a brush or how to turn a disaster of a dish into something edible. She was the greatest teacher you had ever had, and if you remembered correctly, she was around your age now when she first stepped foot in this house. At the time, you were so young you only saw her as someone to distract. A friend.

Looking at her now, aged with hair cut short, crow’s feet starting to form and maybe a few grays- you remembered she was more than a friend, or a cook, or even the occasional babysitter. A wife, a mother, and a roll model.

“Do you remember when I would lock myself in here. Every night. My mom would send you to bring me dinner because she thought it was just part of some rebellious pre-teen phase.”

Betsy hid a small twitch of a smile. The knowing smile that you assumed she gave her own children.

“Yes, miss. I remember bringing you a new dish every night, until I found the real key to your heart,” Betsy said with a look of disappointment. You laughed and saw her smile with endearment.

“You were so fun back then, you know,” you say to her as you comb a hand through her short bob. She nods.

“I was the only one you ever let in,” Betsy says. It’s true in more ways than one. You had taken a liking to Betsy early on. She was the youngest woman around the house, and she was beautiful but not in the way your father liked. She was happy, and energetic. She was sweet and humble…

“Anyway’s” you said looking at the box in her arms, “it’s time to start over. Someone else will be living here, so this will have to find a new home.”

She looked at you for a second wondering and then as if she could read your mind went flat. “Someone else. I see. Son Hyunwoo is a simple man, miss,” she says as she adjusts the box in her arms, “a good man,” she adds.

You see her eyes downcast, maybe a little saddened. She sighs, “I’m sure he would have found your drawings lovely,” she says quietly and turns to go.

You can’t help but hear what she’s really saying. Son Hyunwoo would have liked the old you.

You look around and wonder If he’ll accept this elaborate offering. You know better than to be too certain, but you also believe that if you stretch the truth a bit you’ll get your way. You’ll just have to tell him your father insisted. That this is his idea, not yours. Then he’ll have no choice.

…

You wait for Hyunwoo early the next day before the time you asked him to come in. When he answered the phone you almost forgot how deep his voice was and the grogginess you heard on the other end almost gave you chills. Part of you felt bad for calling him so last minute after insisting he take these last few days off, but the excitement you had wouldn’t wait another day and everything was ready.

You sat out on the front steps of the house resting against a tall column as you waited for his dusty old truck to sail up the long driveway. For some reason you were feeling nervous underneath all this excitement and you weren’t sure why. You had to fight the urge to bite your nails, a nasty habit your mother had warned you about when you were younger.

When you finally saw him approach the front gates you felt all the confidence you had worked up leave your body. You considered maybe having Betsy or anyone else do it for you instead. The front gates opened slowly allowing him to continue on up to the front of the house to his usual parking place.

Your feet seemed to move faster than your mind, even with the fear of being rejected.

“Hyunwoo,” you call out as you see him climb out of the driver’s side of his truck. You wonder if that’s just for work or his usual way of transportation. He watches you approach him, a little sleepy looking as he walks around to the truck bed where his supplies are. “Before you get into all that, come take a walk with me quickly.”

“I’m sorry, I really have to get started, I’ve lost so much time being away these last-

“This will only take a minute,” you reassure.

He nods as he struggles to look away from his truck bed and then follows after you.

You lead him through the house knowing it will take less time then walking all the way around the perimeter. You notice how he looks interested in the things you pass by- photos, paintings, glass, and ugly expensive rugs, but he does so without comment. You take him out the east kitchen doors, catching a glimpse of Betsy chopping vegetables, to the pool and make a turn contrary to the usual direction straight off the patio. The small house is kept just far enough away for privacy and is visible from the pool and the backside of the house only. 

“What do you think of it?” you ask from a distance.

He looks at you confused. “I suppose you could plant a few tiger lilies and lay some-“

“Not to work on,” you interrupt, “to live in.”

His expression is still blank an unreadable even as he looks back and forth between you and the house.

“Aside from a few cleaners and Betsy, you spend the most time here and do the most work. This is more practical don’t you think?”

Silence.

“You can stay here for the rest of the summer. You and Betsy can make arrangements about food if you’d like. If you need anything you can just ask…”

His mouth moves to speak and then stops, making you uncomfortable and dare you say it, embarrassed.

“It was my fathers idea,” you lie, “and it might not seem like it but he can be very sensitive, so I suggest you accept.””

“I- I cant- you already pay me more than-“ he starts to protest with soft eyes.

“The labor you do is more than enough,” you say sternly and hand him the keys. He hesitantly reaches out for them. “Have a look around and let me know by the end of the day.”

You can feel your skin slightly hotter than usual, so you try to avoid the mistake of taking a second glance at him. You can see his eyebrows starting to furrow as he looks down at the keys in his hand and the house waiting for him a few yards away. He’s probably genuinely afraid he won’t be able to repay you in enough work and is placing added pressure on himself for no reason, you think.

“Also,” you cut in before making your way to leave, “I’d like to offer you some advice that might make your life a lot easier in the future. When someone does you a favor or gives you a gift, you owe them nothing more than a thank you.”

On that note you turn and head straight for the house wondering when you adopted that immature pridefullness of your father. Even after you walk into the air conditioned dining room you can still feel the blush baked into your cheeks.

…

“I don’t know what you’re up to, Miss. But that boy in there is a real sweetheart,” Betsy says as she pours you a glass of iced tea next to the pool. The sun has gone away and it is now an hour or so past sunset.

The light is on in the guest house and every so often you can see the shape of Hyunwoo moving around behind the windows. By the end of the day he had brought inside the guest house only a backpack, but it was enough to solidify the proposal.

It’s not that you were necessarily up to something, but you liked being able to keep an eye on things that could hold your interest. You liked the idea of having Hyunwoo close by if only just to look at, which you hoped wouldn’t be the case. 

“Betsy,” you sigh hanging off the pool ledge, “I don’t think you’ll understand this time around. I don’t understand it myself yet.”

She looks down at you from the side of the pool a few inches away from your elbow as you hold yourself above the water. Your head comes to rest on forearm as you poke at her ankle.

“There’s something calming about him, isn’t there? He isn’t shallow or hot-headed, or deceitful.”

Betsy quirks a smile and leans down to place the glass of iced tea in front of you.

“Miss,” she half-whispers even though no one’s close enough to hear the two of you, “do you have a crush on Son Hyunwoo?” 

You glare at her for a split second before splashing some water up causing her to gasp. You laugh at her reaction and then do it again, earning you a string of squeals and half-hearted threats as she retreats. 

“You brat!” she calls from a safe distance away over your laughs.

“Goodnight Betsy!” you call after with a smile that spreads from ear to ear. You push yourself back to lie flat against the water. This time, instead of the hot noon sun you’re greeted with a black sky and a littler of stars. 

A crush. 

You consider it for a brief second, reminding yourself you’ve never had a crush before. You’ve never really found interest in boys like that. Physically, financially, or politically maybe but never in a way to cause your emotions to go haywire and think irrationally. You’ve read books and seen movies but you’ve never experienced the feelings firsthand. 

You kick your feet a few times before gliding on over to the pool steps. You reach for a towel and wrap it around yourself quickly, reacting to the slight chill of the night air. You take one last look in the direction of the guest house and see Hyunwoo through the window just in time to remove the shirt he’s been wearing. 

You feel yourself stutter for a moment, temporarily entranced by his physique like usual. But then you see his hands reach down for his belt buckle to undo it. At that moment something jolts you to remove your gaze and you feel a heat run through your body as you take quick steps up to the patio. For some reason your heart beat seems to pound as you try to compose yourself and keep your dirty fantasies at bay.

A crush, you think to yourself again as you pull the patio doors shut. Isn’t that something.


	3. left hand free

The summer sun was violent today as it hung just above your head, erasing any shadow to hide in. That didn’t seem to slow Hyunwoo as he unloaded his hedge trimming supplies off his truck. You watched him take a few trips back and forth, sweat glossing his body, and the slightest bit of a burn starting to color his chest.

You had decided to sit outside and draw today, something you hadn’t done in years. An occasional breeze would roll through, disturbing your paper, but it left just as quickly as it came. You liked drawing Hyunwoo when he was focused in on his work, his movements creating a challenge for you to capture. You admired his physique of course, but his facial expressions were always so intense, his focus apparent. After a few minutes of watching his muscles shift under layers of skin, you started to think about the feeling of those muscles, what they would feel like against your own skin…

“Subtle,” you heard Betsy’s voice from behind you as she stepped onto the back patio. She was peaking over your shoulder at the sketchbook in your lap, identifying the images of Hyunwoo.

You shoot her a glare but don’t bother to close the book. It’s almost too hot to move, much less bicker.

“Miss, are you aware of the temperature?” she asks as she dabs off some sweat on your brow. You swat her away with a groan.

“Hot,” you say in response. The glass of water sitting next to you, had been filled with ice, and is now warm.

“You should come inside,” she says with a hint of concern. You smirk in response.

“I’ve barley lifted a finger, and look at him,” you say nodding to Hyunwoo, “is it even possible?”

Betsy just smiles and then turns to head back inside, “I’ll bring you some water, dear. You seem… thirsty.” You roll your eyes at her idea of a joke, but your eyes wander back to Hyunwoo. You want to force him to take a break, tell him to finish later once the sun has started to set maybe.

You watch him stop his movements and use his shirt, which is soaked in sweat, to wipe off some more sweat. When he does it though you get a glimpse of his bare stomach the small trail of hair that disappears down past his belt buckle.

“Here, you go,” you hear Betsy say as she sneaks up behind you once more. She places a pitcher of water and a second glass down on the table.

“I’ll be heading home soon, so why don’t you make sure the two of you stay hydrated.”

You remembered that today was Betsy’s son’s birthday. You had bought him a gift that should have been placed in the foyer by now.

“Tell Thomas I said happy birthday, and have George help load his gift into your car,” you almost mumble with your eyes closed.

“You really didn’t have to-“ Betsy starts and you waver her off.

“You don’t have to give it to him. I don’t know what kids are into these days. Just take it.”

You’re surprised when you feel skin against your own as Betsy leans down to hug you. Her skin is soft and cool from being inside with the air conditioning. She places a soft kiss on the crown of your head.

“You’re a sweet girl,” she says and you can hear the smile in her voice. “Thank you.”

She releases you almost too soon. Betsy is the only one who’s able to see past your exterior. Her words always soften you up.

“Have fun,” you say as she turns to leave.

“You too, Miss,” she says with a grin as she glances at Hyunwoo, “dinner is in the fridge. There’s more than enough for two.”

On that note she’s gone. Leaving you and Hyunwoo alone for the time being. You glance over towards the pool and it looks so tempting. Then, back at Hyunwoo… also tempting. Then you reach for the pitcher of water and more a cold glass.

“Hyunwoo!” you call out.

…

You both decided it would be much better to eat inside today… or you decided, and he nodded in agreement. You gave him time to head over to the guest house and shower before returning. Just enough time for you to get the food ready that Betsy had prepared.

When he came back he was wearing another set of casual clothes. His work boots had been exchanged for cleaner ones that he didn’t hesitate to walk through the house with.

“You’re probably starving,” you say as you grab silverware and bring it over to the large dining table. The air feels good and the food smells amazing.

He nods enthusiastically as he takes a seat at the table. It’s been a few weeks and it still seems as though you make him uncomforatbale. Something that stings your pride just a little, because that’s not what you’re trying to do. You wish you could show him that you’re a warm person… deep down, and that you can be sweet and fun and someone you can talk to.

You sit down, deciding today you’ll just follow his lead. Today, you’ll let him initiate conversation and sit quietly so you can find out more about him.

The food sits in front of both of you and this time Hyunwoo doesn’t seem as hesitant, which might be because he’s been working up an appetite all day. You watch him without realizing for a few seconds until you do the same, because you too are pretty famished.

You notice him looking up at you a few times, and then looking away when you look back. Typically something like this wouldn’t bother you but after another quick glance you find yourself feeling emotional. Do you really make him this uneasy?

“You don’t have to eat with me,” you start, feeling the sting of his passive rejection. “You can eat wherever you’d like.”

He looks up at you with confused eyes. But despite you speaking directly to him, he still seems unable to make eye contact with you.

“I don’t pay people for their company contrary to what you might think.”

He doesn’t say anything, which hurts more than it should. You think you might be on the verge of storming off when he stutters…

“Uh, I uh… I’m sorry. I just-“

“If I make you so uncomfortable,” you say as your about to pick up your plate, but he cuts you off before you can continue with the second half of your sentence.

He’s smiling, which catches you off guard, but then he’s slowly pointing up to the corner of his mouth.

“You, uh, you have sauce on your face,” he says.

You immediately feel your cheeks burn because not only do you probably sound foolish, but you probably look the part too. You think about hiding your face in your palms or disappearing to the bathroom, but before you can make a move-

“I can get it,” he offers sweetly. His deep voice and soft eyes wait for you to give your permission. You give a short nod and he slowly reaches out towards you. His actions lack finesse but with one rough swipe of his thumb he nods in approval and goes back to eating his food. 

This time he comments, saying he likes the sweet taste to the meat, and you agree trying to shed your embarrassment.

“Ginger,” you say as you take another bite, trying to be more mindful of the sauce so you don’t embarrass yourself a second time.

He smiles at you as he chews.

You try to smile back, but there’s something that sends your heart fluttering. If this is a crush, the movies make it look easy. They make it look sweet and playful… but here, right now, it feels like an itch you can’t scratch, or craving you can’t satisfy. It feels like a toothache or lump caught in your throat. But it also feels like waiting for a rainstorm or breeze on a hot day.

“I think I need some wine,” you say, and excuse yourself.

You wait for him to be out of sight before you feel like you can breathe again. If this is a crush… you hope to god you never fall in love.

…

Once you finished your food, Hyunwoo looked like he was about ready to head off. The sun was setting and the heat was starting to die down. Everything felt nice, and peaceful. It was a beautiful summer evening and you weren’t ready to be left alone yet. So you asked him if he wanted to see the rest of the house. With the quickness of which he nodded, you assumed he’s probably been imagining what was behind the doors that were usually kept shut.

You guided him through most of the first floor. He had seen the east kitchen and dining area where Betsy typically cooked for the house during the summer and especially for parties. It had the most room, but there was also another kitchen located on the opposite side of the house. It was a family kitchen, but it was rarely ever used on account of Betsy and the fact that your parents didn’t like to cook.

You lead him down the hall, stopping to show him your father’s study room where he used to do business. You showed him the movie room, and the bathrooms and passed by the wine cellar, which was accessible by doors in both the east kitchen and family kitchen, and finally the gun room. It was your dad’s favorite room because it was also a game room. It was home to a pool table, a bunch of shotguns, some old antique looking armory and then odds and ends of expensive relics that acted as decor. It was the most elaborate room, for sure. You had always called it the show-off room because whenever he would have guests over they would head in hear and smoke cigars and walk down the line of trinkets and just list the worth of the objects. Your father had a gift for that… remembering the price and value of things. He didn’t care much for the story unless it was accompanied by triple digits.

Hyunwoo seemed intrigued by the objects, but he didn’t say much. He looked like someone admiring the work in a gallery.

“This is probably the most expensive room. It’s my father’s,” you said toying with something, “he always has his eye on something to add to his collection.”

Hyunwoo looked at you, listening to you speak.

“Everything in here has a story I suppose. To make it valuable. But he usually doesn’t remember them. Just the price tags,” you say with a tinge of bitterness.

“Anyways, I don’t like being in here for very long. It makes you sick after a while.”

You lead him back out into the hall and shut the doors behind you. He follows you into the foyer where you stand in front of the large stair case.

“Ready for the second floor?” you ask. He goes shy for a second and then clears his throat.

“I don’t know if I should, I mean, it doesn’t seem appropriate. Your parents…” he trails off.

You smile at his concern and flash him a grin.

“My parents are gone. Half way round the globe most likely,” you say placing your hand on the railing as you take one step.

He half smiles and watches as you take another step, and another. His grin widens with each one until he’s following after you.

The second floor is mostly just bedrooms and bathrooms and the balcony that wraps around the entire house. There’s a library which you had spent almost as much time in as the guest house.

“Come,” you say as you lead him through the library, “it’s not a large room, but it is stocked from floor to ceiling with books. There’s double doors on the one side that open up to the balcony so you lead him that way, taking your time as you watch the sunset along the horizon.

“Wow. This place is even bigger on the inside,” he says with a sigh.

You smile and lead him farther along the balcony until you pass by your own bedroom doors. You open them revealing white and mahogany. A large canopy bed, unmade, and clothes strewn about the room.

“This is mine,” you say, wishing you would have bothered to clean up this morning. You step in, and he follows.

“You like art,” he says probably noticing the framed images on your wall. Van Gogh’s sunflowers, Klimt’s gold detailing, and Cezanne’s still lifes…

“Very much,” you say but then you see him standing over your sketchbook you had been drawing in earlier. He picks it up and you feel your heart sink. You nearly leap to grab it from him. He looks back at you silently with eyebrows raised.

You clear your throat, “I’m- I’m just not very good,” you say meekly.

He ignores it and moves on settling his gaze on a picture of you when you were young instead. There’s one of you and your parents looking happy and sophisticated and then another pushed in front of that one of you and Betsy after she finally came home from the hospital after having her baby.

He smiled softly. “So this is one of the tiny devils she talks about.”

You laugh, “She’s much bigger now. Maybe you’ll get to meet them one day.”

He just smiles and nods

“Betsy really likes you,” he says as a side note. “She talks about you a lot. I didn’t know you two were so close.”

“She’s been with us since I was little. We spent a lot of time together then. My parents were happy to have someone to keep track of me… well, anyways that’s pretty much all that I can show you.”

He makes his way back towards the open balcony doors, and you throw your sketchbook down on your bed thinking that was a close call. You follow after him and lead him back the way you came.

“At least you know where to find me now, even though I know you’ll never set foot in here again unless I make you.”

He laughs as you walk side by side down the stair case.

“I think I’d get lost without someone to guide me around,” he answers.

You walk him to the back patio in silence. The sun has just disappeared, so the night sky hangs above and the lights from the house and the bottom of the pool seem to be the only source of illumination.

“Goodnight,” he says sweetly giving you another smile. You can’t help but feel he’s leaving too soon. He’s leaving too… carelessly. In the movies there’s always some sort of hesitation. There’s a second where you both expect something to happen. But here he’s just going to walk away?

“Goodnight,” you almost whisper.

He starts to walk away and you can feel it tugging at your heart…

“Uh, maybe tomorrow we can hangout again,” you say quickly right before he turns to leave. He looks surprised when he faces you.

“Sure,” he says casually, “I’ll be pruning the trees along the driveway, but afterwards…” he trails of with his hand in his pockets. He doesn’t seem uncomfortable… but he also doesn’t seem excited. Not like what you’re feeling on the inside.

You nod, and he turns to leave again…

“Hyunwoo,” you stop him once more. He turns around, this time curious.

“I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier. I- I really do like having you here. I don’t mean to be such a… a bother. I guess. Sometimes I just get bored and… I don’t know.”

He gives you that tight eyed smiles and laughs briefly.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you for dinner tomorrow,” he says and this time he really does leave. You were hoping for something more climactic. Something like a shy first kiss, or… or a fucking high five for Christ’s sake.

You sigh defeated as you close the outside doors and head for the kitchen. There’s a gallon of strawberry ice cream that will help soothe you.

You grab a spoon and as you head for the freezer you can see the light on in the guest house. There’s movement, and you squint your eyes just a little. When you finally make out what’s going on, you realize Hyunwoo’s… dancing?

You laugh to yourself and have to walk away, but not without another glance. From what you gathered there were different sides to people. Hyunwoo seemed to be no exception. The thing was, you didn’t just want to know the different sides of Hyunwoo… you wanted to show him to know the different sides of you. This wasn’t a common feeling you had. In all your years of living you could only say that you had ever trusted Betsy enough to let your walls down. Maybe that was the allure of Hyunwoo. He reminded you of someone you could trust.


	4. how

A few days go by almost as scripted. You have dinner with Hyunwoo every night out on the patio and everyday you think you see him smile a little more. His laugh, you have come to adore, is deep and pinches the corners of his eyes. His thoughts are wise, and although he is quiet and sometimes expressionless, you catch yourself trying to read him constantly. You always want to know what he’s thinking.

“It feels like it just keeps getting hotter,” you say from the side of the pool closest to Hyunwoo. Today he’s been rather good company, despite the heat and constantly working. He’s close enough to the pool to make conversation with, and you suppose maybe he likes being able to talk with someone while being able to get his work done. 

“You look pretty cool to me,” he says with a smile. He doesn’t see you smile back, or the way your face lights up when you get an idea in your head.

“Why don’t you come find out?” you say looking at him over your sunglasses. He finally turns to face you with wide eyes. Just the sight makes you bite your bottom lip because you love the look of surprise on people’s faces. Hyunwoo’s isn’t just comical, but cute as well.

“Jump in. I dare you,” you challenge. This time he seems less surprised and more playful. He tries to look away from you and you see his lips tightening to hold back a smile.

“I’ve got work to do,” he says finally revealing a wide grin.

“Something tells me it’ll still be there if you take a break.”

“That’s the point,” he says with a laugh. You raise your eyebrows at him so he knows you’re not backing down.

“Come on, you haven’t been in here once. You’ve already got to be ahead of your work for the day. Probably the whole week actually. Don’t be a baby.”

He looks over at you with his tongue in his cheek. Either your teasing is working, or it’s really just that hot…

“Say it again,” he says with smile just tucked away. He takes a step closer to the pool. His eyes are narrowed and although he’s just playing around, you feel the slightest bit intimidated. But you won’t let on.

“You, Son Hyunwoo, will not jump in this pool right now. I’d bet money on it,” you say narrowing your eyes back at him. You’d love to be able to keep a straight face, but watching him take another step closer while also trying to keep a straight face has you giggling almost instantly.

“I’m more of a bargaining man,” he says as he slowly reaches for the hem of his shirt. Now you’re the one to be surprised. So surprised you almost forget to respond.

“You name it,” you say so softly you aren’t even sure he hears. It doesn’t matter, because one second the shirt is just being lifted above his naval, and the next it’s completely gone.

“I jump in, right now, and you cook dinner for the rest of the week.”

He bends down to untie his work boots, and you almost can’t believe your eyes. You probably would have agreed to anything just to get him closer to you…

“Deal,” you say watching him intently as he unties the other.

“And,” he says slipping out of them, “I want one day. One day without you trying to distract me.”

“Distract you?” you ask tilting your head to the side with a smile. “I’m just trying to help the day go by faster.”

“The day is going by fast enough,” he says with laugh as he walks to the edge of the pool directly in front of you, “and you’re slowing me down.”

You smile up at him, feeling a slight victory in your heart.

“Deal?” he asks.

“Deal,” you confirm with a pounding in your chest.

…

Betsy comes out with two towels almost an hour and a half later. She has a knowing look on her face that goes unnoticed by Hyunwoo like usual. He’s really quite oblivious, you’ve concluded.

“Miss,” Betsy says to you as you break your attention away from Hyunwoo drying off next to you. “Your mother called earlier, and asked that you call her back as soon as you were done in the pool.”

You roll your eyes, but nod and pick up your phone from one of the long chairs.

“I’m going to change,” Hyunwoo says with a soft smile as he excuses himself from the two of you. Betsy gives you another wink before disappearing off to the house. It’s almost evening now and it has cooled down considerably. The sun is still looming above the horizon but it’s not as bright out, in fact there might even be a storm to look forward to.

You search for your mom’s number in your call log and watch as Hyunwoo makes his way to the guest house. His house. Of course it’s temporary, but the idea still brings flutters to your heart. You watch as he ruffles his hair with the towel a few times, getting lost in your thoughts again until you hear your mother’s voice in your ear.

“Hi mom,” you say. You only half hear whatever your mother immediately begins rabbling about. Your eyes can’t seem to stray from Hyunwoo until he disappears inside, leaving the door of the guest house wide open.

“I miss you too,” you say into the phone. It’s easy to follow simple cues. Every conversation always seems to be the same.

You answer the questions rattled off to you one by one, as you daze in and out of the last hour or so. It feels like a dream now. Just talking, and then silence, and then laughing, and even Hyunwoo’s quiet humming that mixed in with the water lapping at your ears as you two floated next to each other…

“How is Hyunwoo doing?”

“He’s adjusting,” you say. Another few minutes go by, but they feel like an eternity. Your attention is too divided that you don’t have the capacity to over exaggerate your boredom, or throw out sarcastic jabs. Your simple answers must sound almost pleasant. 

“You sound good,” you hear on the other end.

You smile to yourself as you stare up at the melting blues and pinks swirling above you before you answer genuinely.

“I feel good.”

…

The sound of thunder rumbles in the distance as you place two plates on the dining room table. It’s dark now, because it took you much longer to prepare than you had hoped. It usually only took Betsy thirty minutes at the most for dinner. It was beginning to rain, and you wondered if Hyunwoo had gotten your text or if you’d end up bringing the food to him.

Just as you were about to call, when you heard the sound of the patio doors opening. The sound of rain much louder as it passed through and the scent of damp earth mixing with honeysuckle.

“Did you really cook this?” he teases. You noticed he was wearing a light weight hoodie and sweatpants. Both of which were dotted in rain splatters. He sat down smiling at the dishes.

You narrow your eyes at him as you sit down in your spot. “Well, they don’t deliver out here, and Betsy’s already on her way home…”

“Oh I thought she’d want to be here for this. She says she loves when you cook.”

You pause just a second, remembering the last time you cooked with Betsy and the last couple nights she had been here for dinner. She would join the two of you after she was done cooking. Her presence alone had helped lighten the atmosphere as if you both needed something to ease the tension. Something to take the edge off, despite her suggestive jokes and side eyes that went unnoticed by Hyunwoo. Tonight however seemed like you were doing just fine without her.

“Well she can look forward to it for the next six days,” you finally say as you pick up your fork.

He smiles and does the same. You watch as he takes the first bite of the seasoned vegetables, waiting to see his reaction. He doesn’t seem to notice you’re waiting for affirmation, as he takes another and then continues on to the brisket…

“It’s a barbecue sauce I made myself,” you say as you avert your eyes and begin eating off your own plate. He hums and nods as he continues to eat.

There’s a few seconds of near silence, and the drum of thunder echoes over the falling rain.

“I could eat this for the next six days,” he finally says, and you can’t help but smile wide. You don’t dare look up this time because there’s no way you wouldn’t end up giving an unflattering grin. So you just hum in response, and nod back as you both continue to eat.

…

The thunder only gets louder, and the rain gets heavier until you both are standing in the kitchen looking out the large window as you try to finish up the dishes.

“You know, the library upstairs was always the best place to be during a storm. I spent so much time up there I started organizing the shelves by seasons.”

You hand him the last dish for drying only letting your eyes settle on him for a moment. This is probably the closest you two have been, only inches apart. You’d love to stare at him awhile longer, but instead you turn your attention back to the window as streaks of lightening run across the sky. Electric veins creating a perfect storm.

“I had a shelf for spring, fall and one for rainy days,” you say as you wash your hands.

“I’ve never been much of a reader,” he says but you notice the quick glance he takes in your direction. “But I do like rain.”

“They’re not much different,” you say quietly to yourself. It’s always been easy to get lost in new worlds, stories and poems, but rainstorms too. If you let yourself get swallowed up by words or the feeling of raindrops it’s all the same. Paintbrushes, the sound of fire, or even the smell of coffee…

You must have missed the moment Hyunwoo finished drying and began looking down at you. But he is. His eyebrows have come together, and his body is turned to face yours. His arm is on the ledge of the counter, and you turn to mimic the pose. You look up at him, trying your hardest to hide your smile.

“The tables have turned,” you say, “it used to be the house worked for me, now I work for the house.”

He doesn’t smile back, just continues holding your gaze.

“You usually have other people take care of you?” he asks. At first it sounds like a statement, but the question seems to be in his eyes.

“Haven’t you noticed?” you ask as you will yourself to move just a bit closer. “I’m usually the last person to lift a finger.”

“You could have let me do these myself,” he says referring to the dishes.

“Are you really that oblivious to my… fondness of you?” You try your hardest not to back down now, as your fingers brush over his knuckles.

He looks down at the contact, and you try to read his expression. But its blank mostly with a hint of confusion.

“I don’t… think like that. I don’t have time to think about those things,” he says without removing his eyes from where your hand is touching his. His lips are slightly parted and his eyes, although unsure, are still soft. You don’t feel scared, or embarrassed… just excited. It feels like you’re about to jump out of your skin…

“Think about it now.”

And before he can say anything, or react, you’re on your tip toes pushing your lips against his. You nearly fall into him as you bring yourself closer but his hand instinctively lands on your side as if he’s actually trying to stop you from falling. When he realizes it’s completely intentional and your kissing him… his hold on you loosens and it’s like you can feel him freeze. You don’t pull away, despite the immediate fear running through you at the signs of rejection. Just when you’re about to separate, you feel the smallest movement of his lips as he hesitantly kisses you back.

You feel lightheaded. Like your heart stopped and then all too quickly began pulsing blood back through your body like a machine gun. You kiss back a bit harder and you feel his grip a bit firmer on your hip. You move your lips against his trying to coax more out of him, but it doesn’t come. Your hand moves up to lay on his stomach and you can feel his muscles coil at your touch. You would have ventured for more maybe, but only a second goes by before he lightly circles your wrists and pulls away.

“I can’t,” he says looking down at you. “You’re going to get me in trouble.”

His reasoning catches you off guard but neither of you move.

“There’s no one here-” you start to say but that’s when he finally releases your wrists and takes a step back.

“I’m sorry. I- I should go.”

He gives you one last confused, maybe guilty, look before disappearing. You don’t even turn to see him leave. You don’t even move as you feel your chest swelling with some kind of regret. The only thing you’re able to focus on is the sound of the patio door opening, the smell of honeysuckle, and the crashing sounds of thunder, and pouring, pouring rain


	5. harveston lake

Betsy had two beautiful children. A girl and a boy… a troublemaker- like you, and her older brother. At first, she had brought them around often and it had always made you happy. Even her husband, Big Tom was what you called him, would come with occasionally and you would get a glimpse of what a happy family really looked like. But once they became old enough to walk and speak you saw less of them. It took you awhile to figure it out but you imagined it was because Betsy didn’t want them wondering why you had a big house and she had a small one, or why she couldn’t be home for dinner because she was cooking yours.

You didn’t have much time to prepare, but the second Betsy said she was bringing the family over you immediately began looking for something, anything, that could be considered fun. Board games, basketballs, cards… there wasn’t much. On the bright side, it could at least distract you from thinking about Hyunwoo and whatever he was doing at the moment.

Sundays were Betsy’s off days, and usually you wouldn’t see her but she felt it was necessary that you receive a proper thank you for Thomas’s birthday gift. You hated the idea of her bringing her entire family over for a simple thank you, but you were excited to see them nonetheless.

“George!” you called as you ran quickly down the steps. “Make sure you leave the gates open for Betsy today! Oh and where are all the pool toys?”

“Yes ma’am. They were last in the storage nearest to the garage. Would you like me to go get them?”

“I can get them, thank you!” you say running past him. There had to be something salvageable. It was a wonder someone had even thought to save the floaties in the first place. You quickly made your way towards the garage, large enough to be considered a small house itself. There was a storage room there containing odds and ends. Your parents never bothered to look here for anything so most things found a home unbothered by anyone except you.

You flew towards the door, barefoot, and a bit sweaty. But not before tacking a second to laugh at the three luxury cars sitting in the garage that hadn’t been driven in weeks. All three belonged to your father and weren’t exactly for use as much as they were for gawking. Not even a spot for your car or your mothers, who didn’t drive to begin with…

Pool toys, you reminded yourself.

…

After digging around in the garage for twenty minutes you found a few items. You retrieved a pile of floaties you would have to blow up yourself seeing as you couldn’t find a single air pump, and a few water guns that appeared to still work. You ran off to the back patio, carrying a box full of your findings. You felt your summer dress blow behind you and had anyone seen you, you’d probably look crazy. You had to catch your breath as you tossed the box onto the table outside. You were really getting out of shape you supposed.

You quickly reached for the first colorful deflated plastic thing you could find. You sank to the ground and searched for the mouthpiece, dusting it off with your fingers and immediately blowing as hard as you could. It didn’t take long for you to feel like you were going to faint but you just kept going. You almost didn’t notice the presence of someone coming up next to you until you were surrounded by shadow. You looked up and saw Hyunwoo staring down at you with his eyebrows furrowed.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“What does it look like?” you mumbled trying to hide your embarrassment. After Hyunwoo had left last night, you spent a good deal of time feeling sorry for yourself… and then the rest of the time wanting to hit something with a baseball bat.

“It looks like you’re trying to make yourself pass out,” he answered flatly.

“I’m trying to blow these up before Betsy gets here,” you retort and continue blowing hot air through the half inflated toy in your lap.

“Why?” he asks, grabbing another toy from the box on the table. You ignore his question and watch as he flips it over examining it.

“I don’t need help,” you say under your breath. He either doesn’t hear you or doesn’t care because he puts his lips on the mouth piece and starts blowing. You watch as he half fills one with only maybe two deep breaths. You look down at the one in your lap that’s taken almost triple the effort….

“She’s bringing the kids today,” you finally say and continue blowing as hard as you can. He sits down next to you as he pushes the cap into the mouthpiece of the finished doughnut floaty. Your scowl goes unnoticed. You try to ignore him as you fill your lungs one more time, but before you can exhale, the floaty is being pulled away from you. You’re about to argue, until he brings the mouthpiece to his own lips and finishes inflating it for you.

“I said I didn’t need any help.”

“Your face was turning red.”

You don’t respond, feeling yourself getting slightly agitated. Instead you just pull the box down off the table and grab another floaty, repeating the process.

Five minutes go by, and then five more until you realize Hyunwoo has finished inflating the rest of the box and is sitting there watching you. It makes you the slightest bit angry but also self-conscious.

“What?” you ask, looking away.

“Last night-“ he begins.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you snap firmly.

He sighs and then looks away with a nod. He seems unsure, but he slowly starts to pick himself up then. He’s about to walk away when you both hear voices coming from behind you. It’s a combination of small high pitched ones and older ones trying to speak over them. You quickly pick out Betsy’s familiar voice as it comes closer, echoing through the house.

“…. NOT touch anything,” you heard her warn before finally appearing onto the patio. She smiled at you with a questioning look as she stared down at you surrounded by pool toys. Before you could say anything you felt small arms wrap around your neck and shoulders as you were attacked by two small bodies and voices chiming in your ear.

“Oh!” you squeaked being tilted off balance as their weight pulled you side to side. You laughed as you felt their small heads nuzzling around your own as you tried to lift your arms to embrace them as well.

“Alright, alright, let her breathe,” you heard Betsy’s husband say from behind her. The children slowly began to ease up and then were immediately distracted by the toys strewn around.

“Is this a water gun?! Can I use it?” you heard Thomas ask as he picked up one of the long barrels.

“What did I say about touching?” you heard Betsy groan.

“It’s alright, I pulled them out for them,” you said with a smile as you finally lifted yourself off the ground. You took note of Hyunwoo still standing on the patio as he watched the scene with happy eyes. The second you made eye contact with him he blinked and then turned to take off.

“Wait a minute, where do you think you’re going?” you heard Betsy call before he could reach the steps. “You don’t get scared off that easily?” Betsy teases. You wish she wouldn’t. Not today. You feel your heart sink when he turns back, giving you a questioning look. It’s like he’s asking you for your approval, so you just turn your attention back to the children who are looking through the box of toys and the pile of air-filled plastic shapes.

“Did you guys bring your bathing suits?” you ask regaining your smile. They nod enthusiastically, and this time it’s just Anna to come over and latch on to your leg.

“We missed you!” she cheers and you laugh as you give her a pat on the head.

“Aw, I missed you guys too.”

Betsy’s husband clears his throat and gets the little one’s attention. “Excuse me, I think there was something you both wanted to say?”

This time Thomas runs up and circles around your middle squeezing you tightly. “Thank you for the present!” you give him a pat as well and blush a little as you tell him it wasn’t a problem.

“Now, why don’t the two of you introduce yourself to Hyunwoo,” Betsy asks. They’re not very shy, so they don’t hesitate to run up to Hyunwoo, nearly invading his personal space as well as they start rambling on starting with their names, ages, and favorite colors. He looks down at them with his crinkled eyes smile and lets them shake his hands but they giggle and try their hardest to grip his hand as hard as they can for as long as they can. Very energetic, that hasn’t changed… Hyunwoo plays along, pretending to wince at Thomas’s strength and then plays it up even more for Anna saying that she’s much too strong. You notice how Anna seems to really like that…

You honestly didn’t imagine Hyunwoo would be able to get along with children so easily, but you can already see that he’s not going to be able to get any work done today with them here.

You see him look up and he meets your eyes once more with a soft smile… it seems almost apologetic. You swallow whatever feeling you have bubbling in your chest, and hide the words you wish you could say behind pursed lips.

…

Hours later, you find yourself standing behind a grill off to the side of the pool where Thomas and Anna are splashing and doing cannonballs while Hyunwoo some how has ended up inside the pool, practically fully clothed babysitting. Betsy and her husband sit on the sides with their feet in the pool supervising.

You watch as Betsy and Hyunwoo swap out and she slides herself into the pool as he climbs out. He doesn’t bother to dry off and walks directly over to you.

“Do you want any help?” he asks shyly. You suppose it’s supposed to be a peace offering, but you just shake your head.

“Deal’s a deal,” you say. He doesn’t leave, or speak, he just continues to stand there. When you look up though you see he’s actually looking at Betsy in the pool with Anna in her arms as they’ve now entered into a splash fight with Thomas. They’re all smiling and laughing. Even Big Tom from the side as he watches his wife and children fool around.

“Then would you like some company?” he asks looking back at you again. You shrug.

“I’m almost done.”

He appears almost frustrated by your words, like he wants to say something. But he doesn’t. Instead he just nods and then walks away. You feel your heart ache just a little at the wall being put up between you. Its like the last couple weeks have meant nothing now. You turn your attention back to the grill as you flip the meat once more. You’re starting to feel a bit apathetic at this point though… until you feel something cold hitting your face…

You’re startled and confused. A shot of cold water making you blink and sputter. You hear laughs and you look up in the direction it had come from. You’re blinded by other shot of water hitting you square in the face, but halfway through you try to shield yourself this time.

You’re probably gawking, and you can hear the laughs getting louder. You finally get an understanding of whats happening when you see Hyunwoo standing a few yards away with the large squirt gun that had been in the box. He’s trying to control his laughter, but barley as he keep the gun pointed on you.

“My hand slipped,” he says with a shrug. You stare at him incredulously, but you can’t help but feel the corners of your mouth pulling back at the shock. You can’t help but laugh briefly as you look at him. You were upset just moments before, furious only last night… but as you look back at him, soaked in his clothes, a squirt gun in hand, and his… smile..

You don’t feel anything except relief.

…

“I can’t wait to have a family of my own,” you say sitting in the living room. It’s night now and Betsy and her family have gone home after an amazing day. Now, you and Hyunwoo are sitting on the couch next to each other talking, and smiling… everything is back to normal. Better than normal.

“I didn’t expect you to like children so much,” he says honestly.

You shrug, “I honestly haven’t been around many. Only Betsy’s really.”

He nods. “I certainly didn’t get any work done today,” he says with a laugh. You wave it off.

“You were having fun. You’re allowed to do that, you know.”

He raises his eyebrows, and smiles, but you notice a second later his expression changes. He looks away and stares down at his lap. A shy smile forming.

“What?” you ask. That smile never really means anything good.. its usually followed up by something embarrassing that he didn’t want to tell you, like you have something on your face. You immediately lift your hands wiping at your mouth and nose. “What? why are you laughing?”

He just shrugs, and laughs again. “I just… I can’t stop seeing your face after I shot you with the water gun.”

You give him a light push, and he laughs again. You smile back and then rest your head on the couch. Your body is angled to face him, and you watch as he stares down at his feet. You figure this would be as good a time as any to apologize seeing as you’re both in a good mood.

“I know, after last night, it might seem like I’m just…” you trail off. He turns to face you, as he listens, probably not expecting you to bring it up. “I don’t really know, what it seems like,” you say honestly. You try your hardest to hold his gaze but you both seem nervous and you decide to look down instead. “But, really I’m just not used to having someone here… my age. And you’re not like anyone I know. I just… I didn’t mean to mess it up.”

You look up at him and his eyes say he’s listening to every word, but he responds simply. He just shakes his head no.

You give him a timid smile, “I don’t know what that means…”

“You didn’t mess it up,” he says looking conflicted, “I couldn’t think last night. I’m sorry…”

He always keeps his statements brief, which makes you wonder if there’s more he’s not saying or if that’s really all there is.

He looks back at you and his eyes seem to fall to your lips briefly. You’re surprised when you end up focusing on his just to see his tongue dart out as he licks them. You refocus, looking up to see him staring straight into your eyes.

If you didn’t know any better you’d think maybe he was…

Is he giving you permission?

You move in a little closer, just a little, and he doesn’t stop you. You pause just to survey him, trying to understand better. The way he swallows, and the way his eyes flicker, are things you wouldn’t notice otherwise. Things that tell you he might be nervous. You move a little closer and meet his eyes again. You won’t push any further without knowing, because you won’t make the same mistake again.

Maybe he knows what you’re thinking, because you finally see him move just a little bit closer. Still focusing on you. Waiting.

“Don’t walk out on me again,” you whisper as your faces seem to slowly move closer to each other’s.

He shakes his head no once again, but then he stills himself. This is what you’ve been waiting for isn’t it? Son Hyunwoo.

The idea itself makes your brain fuzzy, your heart heavy, and your lips land against his for the second time. This time however, there isn’t much restraint or shyness. This time you don’t want to test the waters, you want to dive right in, and maybe never resurface.

Your hands latch on to his tshirt, and you pull yourself close enough that your bodies touch. The first time you kissed Hyunwoo was about finally kissing Hyunwoo. The second time, this time, was about getting lost.

He lets you move as close as you want, arms still relaxed at his sides. His lips are calm and smooth, as they keep the pace steady. It would be nice to kiss him like that forever, but you’re too hungry for that. You’ve been wanting for this far too long, and you don’t just need whatever you can get. You need it fast, and hard.

In one move you pull yourself into his lap, feeling your dress rise as your legs spread to straddle him. He seems surprised, but not unhappy. His arms finally move as he softly lays his palms against the center of your back just lightly supporting you. It lasts for a few seconds before he drops them again as if he’s not sure what to do with them.

You pull back just to make sure he’s okay, and you see his eyes half shut with this sleepy, dazed look. He gulps as you both look at each other, and without breaking the contact your hands reach for his and guide them to your hips. He settles on them and his grip is a bit firmer now. You lean in again, but go for his jaw to begin a trail down his neck.

His head tilts back as you do, giving you more room and it’s like his skin is getting hotter with each second. His hands massage the area around your hips. You kiss back up to his earlobe.

“Don’t be such a gentleman,” you say before you nip at his skin. He exhales just loud enough to hear, and you might smile, give yourself a chance to feel cocky. But there’s no time before you feel his hands drifting lower until they round your ass, giving it a light squeeze. It sends electricity through you, enough to let out a small hum of pleasure. So he keeps doing it.

Your arms wrap around his neck and you find his lips again. This time it’s like he’s waiting for you, and you notice he presses his lips a bit harder to yours this time. His pace is just a bit less controlled. You can feel him under you starting to harden against you so you press yourself into him even more, causing his hands on your ass to clench and he lets out a short, deep groan.

His hands make their way to your thighs, spread around his waist, and he slides them up to feel the bare skin of your legs. He backs off before he gets to your hips and then goes still, focusing on the kiss that’s becoming heated. You pull away to look at him again, and you can feel your lower body melting at how good he looks.

“I won’t… I won’t say anything,” you tell him with your fingers hand pressed to the base of his scalp.

His eyes look back at you, still that blissed out expression. He doesn’t answer with words, instead he just leans back in to try and kiss you. You pull back causing him to look confused but without answering, and without trying to think about it, you just pull yourself up and stand in front of him. You can feel your heart hammering, because what you’re about to ask for might be too much. It might be too far, and you don’t want to scare him off again.

Your hands sneak under your dress as you try to gauge his expression. For the most part his eyes seem to be doing the same until your fingers find the waist of your underwear and you begin sliding them down. You see him freeze as his eyes dart down to what you’re doing, and his lips part as he watches. You slide them down until you can step out of them and then slowly ease yourself back down into his lap. This time he seems timid again as you both look at each other. His hands only coming to rest on your hips.

You can feel his heartbeat quickening as you place a palm on his chest. You don’t want to move just yet, just to give him time to think. He leans forward and kisses you once softly, before pulling back again. It’s like he’s letting you continue, but isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do on his end.

You slide your palms flat down his chest until you get to the button on his pants. You take your time pulling it apart, and then move to the zipper. You lift yourself up onto your knees, creating space between you and look at him for a few seconds until he understands. He shifts under you, not worried about grace as he pulls the fabric lower.

It’s surprising only because just last night he wouldn’t even kiss you, and now tonight he’s actually lifting his hips to undress himself for you… He only pushes them down as far as he can reach with you still hovering over his lap. And he doesn’t bother to remove his underwear, but you can still make out shapes and sizes and you realize a little too late that you’re staring. 

He’s perfect literally everywhere. It might be a bit rude to say he’s even more perfect than you’ve been imagining. You notice how his eyes are on you, and that brings you back to the moment. Right here, right now.

“These too,” you say quietly pulling at the elastic band. He looks at you for only a second and then does as you ask. This time your nerves do catch up to you as he sees you staring, but he doesn’t say anything. He just waits for you to make your next move or give the next direction.

You lower yourself down and position your hips where they need to be. You feel his hands tighten around your thighs as you carefully take hold of him. You stroke him a few times and move your other hand to cradle the back of his neck. You hear his deep exhale, and see his eyelids fall shut at the feeling. You decide you don’t want him to close his eyes, so you kiss his cheek and then his lips to keep his attention on you. He opens his eyes softly and you watch him intensely as you bring yourself down to make contact.

You could feel the wetness pooling between your legs before but now as you slide yourself against the tip of Hyunwoo’s cock you realize just how ready you really were. Despite that, Hyunwoo is more than decent in size. Your fingers curl around him as you stroke him against your entrance and honestly you’re anticipating some discomfort.

You watch him tilt his head forward as he looks down at the space between you. You’re taken a bit by surprise when he carefully takes the tips of his fingers and rakes them upward across your thighs, pulling the hem of your dress high enough to watch you as you rub him against your entrance. There’s something undeniably hot about it that makes you almost choke before you can remember how to breathe. You keep going, feeling his hold on you tighten as he watches you begin to push down on him.

It’s really happening…

There’s a bit of pressure as you try to sink lower onto him. You consider maybe this is a bad idea, that maybe you should take your time, take the stretch a bit slower, but no. You’d rather have it now, right now. So you push down harder holding your breath a little. It is a bit painful, but it feels too good. Just the idea alone, has your core dripping which helps ease him into you. You hear him whine a little as he finally slips past you. You feel his fullness pushing against your walls, and it isn’t until he’s almost fully inside that you realize you were wincing in preparation for a sharper pain that didn’t come. It felt even better as you began to adjust.

You gripped at his shoulders and pulled back enough to see his face again. He gulped and looked at you. His eyes never looked this intense before and you actually lost your nerve when you noticed how heavy his breathing had gotten. You weren’t sure how long you had held his gaze for, but soon enough you felt his hips rolling upward as he pushed himself farther inside you. This time you couldn’t help but react, as you let out a soft cry at the feeling of his entire length inside you. That was the pain you were anticipating…

He brought his hips back down and kept his gaze on your face, probably to make sure he hadn’t pushed too hard. He didn’t move after that, but he left you pull yourself around him as you hid your face into the side of his neck.

You took a deep breath and readied yourself to push back down on him, and felt the way his palms pressed into your skin, trying to help steady you. He didn’t move for awhile, letting you take control of the slow, easy pace. It took a minute or so until you felt you could use a bit more force. It didn’t take long for the discomfort to fall away entirely and then it was like you couldn’t move fast enough. You could hear his stuttered breath as he let you ride him, his body would shiver a little and his fingers seemed to twitch as he fought back the urge to push into you. His skin was hot against yours and the speed at which you were working yourself up to was causing your thighs to burn.

You pulled at his hair, as you breathed heavily against his skin. You hear him grunting softly as it mixes in with his breaths. You love the way it sounds, and you love the way this feels but the position your in is causing your muscles to feel overworked too fast. When you finally slow down to relieve yourself, he must understand because his arms circle around your back and tighten almost possessively. You feel your heart melt at the embrace but before you can feel too comfortable, he’s pushing into you again, deeper than before causing you to let out a small cry. 

This time you latch on to him, holding tighter than before as you feel him push up into you again. You bite down to contain your sounds, as he thrusts into you again and again each time feeling deeper and harder than the last.

You can feel yourself tensing a little, because the sharpness of each thrust has you wanting to cry out in pleasure, but also maybe pain as well. His hold on you though has you so tightly in place you have no choice but to finally just relax in his arms and let him fuck into you. When you finally do relax its like he’s pushing up into a whole new spot. You let out a moan as you hear the sounds of his skin against yours, and his hold tightens around you even more as he lets out a moan of his own and begins thrusting into you at an even faster pace.

You can feel the warmth of tears in your eyes as he fucks you almost roughly, and you know that if he keeps this up you’ll come in a minute. He bucks into you over and over again as you whimper quietly against his skin. Part of you wishes you could see his face right now, but being nuzzled into the skin of his neck is oddly comforting.

“Okay?” you hear him grunt through a deep breath as he continues his movements. You hum out some kind of affirmation along with an enthusiastic nod against his shoulder. Your body has practically gone limp, and you’re close to an orgasm. So close, you can feel it building with each thrust until your walls are clenching and you can hear the gasp in his voice as he fucks you harder knowing you’re about to come. Your moans turn into small hiccupy sounds as he drills in and out of you, all the way through your orgasm. All the while you cling to him while you convulse around him.

He doesn’t stop once you’ve finished but he slows down a bit, which is good because you’re sensitivity probably wouldn’t allow you to take much more otherwise. Your sobs soften just a little and in all honsetly you could probably come again as he starts up another steady pace, much gentler than the first.

“Tell me when,” he says and you just nod against him realizing your legs have begun shaking. He pushes into you a few more times and then goes completely silent as his hips stutter. He lets out a grunt and pulls put of you in one quick motion. His hold on you doesn’t allow much distance, and you feel him come along your entrance.

After a few seconds his hold on you loosens a bit and you find the strength to pull back and finally look at him. His forehead is shiny with sweat and his eyebrows are furrowed. His eyes are barely hanging open. 

You grind against him a few times, spreading the mess between your legs. He closes his eyes and his body shakes a little as he lets you. Any other time you’d be on your feet in a heart beat. You never liked mess, or being too close for too long, but you find yourself staying there leaning into Hyunwoo just a while longer. You like the feeling of him against you even with the warm sticky mess because you love the fact that it came from him. You tuck yourself back into the crook of his neck, resting your head on his shoulder before you speak.

“I really like you, Hyunwoo.”

but the words are just a watered down version of what the feeling in your chest is telling you.


	6. discoloration

The next day you wake up feeling hopeful… or nervous… or just confused. Your first thought of the day had to do with Hyunwoo though, and it didn’t feel as though they’d be stopping anytime soon. You tried your best to sleep in a bit later, but by midday it was almost impossible to not jump out of bed. Maybe it was the sound of the weed whacker, reminding you what you had to look forward to from now on. Hyunwoo’s arms encircled around you, his breath in your ear, and the feeling of his skin hot and close.

At first, you felt something electric as frayed bits of last night replayed in your mind. But eventually, they felt more like nerves, bubbling around in your gut asking you questions you couldn’t answer. By the time you were clothed and searching for coffee, you realized you had avoided looking out the window and scampered almost quickly enough to pass by Betsy unnoticed. You had never experienced this quite before. It was a fear you couldn’t rationalize, one that lead you to the small library tucked away with the door closed.

Today, you wouldn’t be able to focus on reading that was for sure, but there was something slightly calming about being surrounded by the bounded pages. It didn’t hold the same kind of security that the guest house did, but that was occupied at the moment. This was a different feeling. You ran your fingers along the spines of the books remembering the romance stories you had fallen in love with yourself. The unrequited love, the tragic endings, and the heartbreak. You had read about them, and they felt more real than the subtle courtings, the running away together, or the happy everlastings. In all honesty, you had never experienced either.

But Hyunwoo. He was… different. This was different. Wasn’t it? It wasn’t just a cliched story of girl meets boy, opposites attract, and unexplainable connection between two people of different social and economical backgrounds that-

Romeo and Juliet, Lizzy and Darcy, Tristan and Iseult, Gatsby and Daisy…

Christ. So maybe it’s been written about before. But this feels different! It feels like nothing that’s been written down, nothing you’ve seen in the movies, it feels unscripted. Uncertain. It feels like a risk.

You pace around for a few more minutes before falling to the ground and molding yourself against the floor. This seems childish. You would roll your eyes if one of your fellow girlfriends ever responded this way over a boy, but… Son Hyunwoo isn’t just a boy.

You think briefly about how you avoided looking out the window today despite the flutter in your chest telling you to just take a peak. You take a deep breath and pull yourself up. If Hyunwoo is more than a boy, then it’s time for you to be more than… this.

…

A thin white tshirt with the sleeves cut off, and khaki cargo shorts. You notice from the kitchen window as you pull out the cutting board and vegetables. It feels like you’ve been cooking dinner for a week, but you’r only halfway there. For some reason it’s not even about a deal anymore. All though it feels like a chore, it’s still something to look forward too.

Hyunwoo’s outfit isn’t abnormal, but that’s why you have to take note of it. You had sex last night, but he still woke up on time, got dressed like normal, and got to work. So, that’s what you should be doing too. For a moment you wonder if he thought about last night at all. Maybe when he woke up, or while he was working… you can’t imagine him thinking about any of it honestly. Like it never happened, unphased. It’s disappointing, and you hope you’re wrong because-

“Fuck!” you curse loud enough that you hear Betsy drop something from behind you. When you look down at the cutting board where your eyes should have been in the first place you realize that you accidentally sliced a corner of your finger.

“Jesus,” Betsy exhales as she takes your hand instinctively. You watch her, still a little dazed, as she peers at the cut from over her glasses. The slight pressure from where she pinches the skin helps soothe the sting, and its oddly reminiscent of an old memory where you try to skateboard down the driveway.

“Run it under water while I grab a bandaid,” she says quickly before leaving the kitchen. You smile to yourself just a little as you turn to the sink. There streams of thick crimson running against your palm, and it’s something you haven’t seen in awhile. You can’t even remember the last time you’ve had a papercut, much less chopped your finger. It’s not that bad though, just surprising…

You leave your hand to rinse under the faucet and take this time, to look out at Hyunwoo again. He’s so focused on what he’s doing but you notice he picks his head up every so often and looks towards the side of the house. You probably wouldn’t have noticed if it seemed more subtle, but at least twice he had turned his entire body around to do so.

“How does it look?” Betsy asks as she re-enters the kitchen with bandaids and some antiseptic

“It’s fine,” you says as you dry off you hand. The bleeding hasn’t fully stopped.

“Why don’t you let me finish dinner for today? Just for today,” Betsy starts.

You shake your head, “Really, it’s fine. I just got distracted.”

Your words betray you immediately, but before you can even defend yourself, you already feel your cheeks burning up as Betsy laughs at your blatant honesty. There’s only so many things to be distracted by, and Betsy is no idiot.

“Distracted,” she hums as she examines your hand. You don’t say anything though, because she’s won this one fair and square. “There’s a lot of that going around today.”

“What do you mean?” you ask as she prepares a cotton swab and a bandage.

Without taking her eyes off the cut she nods in the direction of the backyard.

“Your eye-candy out there keeps stopping to look at the balcony. At first I thought he was considering the deck planters. Now, unless he’s watching them grow, I’m thinking otherwise.”

It didn’t take too much thought once Betsy said it, but you hadn’t been able to see what he was really looking at from the kitchen. The balcony made sense.

“What are you thinking?” you ask trying to sound casual as she peels both sides of the bandage. She looks up at you briefly with a knowing smirk.

“Well, he’s certainly not looking for me up on the balcony.”

“I still don’t know what you’re getting at.”

Betsy shrugs as she releases your hand, all patched up. she gathers up the first aid equipment. You should have seen where this was heading. You brought on the omen yourself…

“Anyways, I’m thinking about heading out early again today so maybe you and Romeo can have dinner alone tonight-“

“No!” you panic, “I mean, please don’t go.”

Betsy looks at you with a hint of concern before asking, “what’s wrong?”

The best you can really do is a shrug with limited eye contact as you think about the fact you can’t exactly explain this irrational fear of fucking something up based on literary classics and coincidences.

She smiles and raises her eyebrows giving you a once over. You sigh and look back towards the window where you catch Hyunwoo peering up at the balcony once more through squinted, sun-blocked eyes.

Why Romeo and Juliet? Please pick any other story. Any other pair, aside from the ones doomed from the start.

“Forget it,” you say. You don’t say anything else, but you feel the pat of Betsy’s hand against your back before she quietly walks off. There’s not much left to do but take a deep breath and accept. Sure, the movies make crushes look fun, but the book…. Oh ho, the books have nothing kind to offer about love.

…

Dinner is quiet. Not that it’s particularly chatty, especially without Betsy, but today feels heavy. Hyunwoo sits across from you with his work clothes still on, dusty and damp looking. You can’t help but steal glances every chance you get, but he seems to be more engrossed in his plate. You wonder if he thinks you planed this- ordered Betsy to leave early so you could have him to yourself or something. The thought makes you feel a little self-conscious, and you wonder if he thinks you’re being push, or worse, desperate. He hasn’t said more than a few words, and you can’t even remember what they were or if you even responded to them. It doesn’t feel like you’re off to a good start that’s for sure.

At some point you do notice him glance at you briefly, and then not to long after you see his gaze fixed on your bandaged finger.

“What happened?” he asks after swallowing his food.

You look back down at your hand lifting it, as if you have to examine it again yourself.

“I cut my finger while I was chopping vegetables,” you answer and then drop your hand in your lap, disappearing under the table. His eyes are back on yours, and you feel the slightest bit embarrassed, but he doesn’t say much else about it.

You’re not feeling very hungry anymore. This dinner is making you feel uncomfoartable and a bit foolish in all honesty. So you wipe your mouth and with a sigh you pick up your plate.

“Well, i’m full. I think I’m going to go start on the dishes.”

You excuse yourself without trying to look at Hyunwoo’s face. You hope he can read a bit of your frustration though. As you head inside, you feel almost relieved to be alone. It feels like you could just mope your way to bed right now. This is what you get for having expectations, working yourself up, and making a mountain out of a mole hill.

You don’t meant to toss the dish in the sink as carelessly as you do, but you also don’t check to see if anything was broken. You just lean against the counter and close your eyes, to try and calm down. You don’t notice when Hyunwoo enters the kitchen until he’s a few feet away, work boots already removed.

The surprise is probably apparent on your face, but you feel a bit guilty too as if he can read your mind right now. This time you don’t know what to say, or if he’s going to say something. He just continues over to you slow a relaxed, before you notice he’s caring an empty plate in one hand and a single flower in the other.

You look down as he twirls it until his arm reaches out to hand it to you. His crinkly little smile growing as he hands it to you. You accept it instinctively, but your smile doesn’t come until he’s already maneuvered around you and begun scrubbing his own plate in the sink beside you. You take a long sniff as you appraise the perfect gardenia in your hand. He looks over at you with a happy smile that you can’t help but reciprocate.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you that they’re beautiful,” you tell him as you keep your gaze on the soft petals in front of you.

You can smell the soil clinging to him, and it’s like you can feel the sticky coat along his skin without even touching him.

He catches your eyes with a bashful smile, and almost too softly he says, “So are you.”

…

Days follow, and the sun sets as scheduled. With it brings the sound of crickets and the soft smell of newly planted gardenias. These evenings bring the most privacy and you wait for Hyunwoo from the side of the pool ledge. Your discarded sundress hangs across the back of a chair and you think long and hard about what romance is, and what it means to be in love. Surely it can’t be skinny dipping while you wait for your live-in gardener to show up.

You smile when you hear the sound of someone approaching. Knowing Betsy has gone for the night and no one else would be coming this close to the pool. When you finally see Hyunwoo, the lights from around the pool cast shadows along his face accentuating all the points, curves, and planes. His eyes seem fixed on the ripples of water you create from the slow movements of your legs. You imagine the water has slightly distorted your submerged figure, but not enough for him not to notice the absence of your bikini straps.

“Come in with me,” you say softly looking up at him. His hands are in his pockets, and he has that look of confusion once again. This time though, you won’t elaborate, instead you release the wall as you float backwards farther away from him. You take in each other at the same time, his eyes shifting just briefly to acknowledged your naked form.

“Please,” you tack on as you lay your head back, closing your eyes and relaxing into the water.

You barely hear his movements with the sound of the water rolling against your ears. But after a short time you can feel the rush of water when another body begins swimming alongside you.

There’s a feeling you weren’t expecting. Something so calm unlike the past few days. It’s something like surrender, and peace. Magic even. You aren’t afraid this time. There’s something much more controlled about this. It doesn’t feel like falling, or running, but flying, and… floating. You open your eyes to see him just a foot or two away. He’s as bare as you are but he doesn’t seem worried. He keeps himself afloat enough for you to make out the fullness of his shoulders. He makes a slow move closer to you, but you teasingly push yourself back to create the same distance. He does it again and this time you begin slowly circling around him at an arms length.

“What are you doing?” he asks with a contemplative smile.

“You’ve never seen a shark attack before?” you ask with a flick of your eyebrow.

He smiles as you swim a smaller circle around him.

It only takes one brush, accidental or not. And then floating becomes Hyunwoo’s hot skin cooled by water, smooth and tight against your own. It becomes breath tangled with the pool filter and a gate of pruned hedges and night sky that feels endless but much closer than ever before. It feels like every cliché only ever existed because somewhere in them was perfect moment. One that sounds simple, repetitive, or completely unrealistic… but extraordinary.

These violent delights have violent ends, you reminded yourself. But the thought left your mind as your cheek rested against Hyunwoo’s bare shoulder. His arms find themselves around you loosely, but you don’t miss the way the weight of his head falls just slightly against yours. 

Then let this never end.


	7. ocean eyes

“What are you thinking about?” you ask as you break away from Hyunwoo’s kiss. Tonight you both end up in the small guest house that he’s been occupying. You’re pleased to notice it’s still clean, but that’s about all you notice before you find yourself laying in Hyunwoo’s bed unwilling to leave for the night. 

“Always so quiet, but I know you’re thinking about something,” you continue with a smile, “I can see it in your eyes.” It’s hard to tell if he’s still dazed from the current situation or if the look he’s giving you means something else. Something specially for you.

His body goes a little still before he pulls his gaze away, just for a moment, and then he looks back at you with the same serious look he seems to wear often.

You’re both wrapped loosely in towels, the thick cotton the only thing separating bare skin- recently dried from the swimming pool. Neither of you have made any action to remove the layers, but with each gentle touch or subtle trace you can feel them disappearing, as the fabric slips looser around your bodies.

One of his hands is curled around your hip and you feel it falter for just a second. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask. There’s something unsure for a moment. His weight doesn’t seem as heavy, and it’s the closest thing to pulling away without pulling away.

“I don’t know what to do,” he finally says. He seems the slightest bit shy about the words, but not quite embarrassed. 

“What you did the other night was fine,” you say with a playful smile. He quirks a half smile for just a second and then refocuses again.

“I mean… what is this?” he says looking at you with furrowed eyebrows. The question is a little too blunt, and honestly, answering in such a position makes you panic. 

“It can just be this,” you say too quickly. There’s nothing truthful about it. Nothing that tells him what you want, or asks him what he wants, but after a moments pause the words just seem to slip out of you.

“It doesn’t have to be anything,” you say without much thought, and you can feel yourself regret the words immediately, because it’s already something. 

He doesn’t say anything, but he seems to accept it for what it is and slowly presses your lips together. It would be hard to not think about what just happened, and what you just said, if he hadn’t resumed so easily. 

It doesn’t take long until the towels are gone and you have the amazing view of Hyunwoo’s perfect torso hovering just above you. His arms on either side of you support him at just the right angle.

He slides into you carefully and it’s incredible that a man can seem so controlled in his movements, yet seem as though he’s trying to hold himself together just as bad as you. He fucks you for awhile tonight. There aren’t any words this time passed through his heavy breath or your soft cries. 

You come twice, but he doesn’t stop until you tell him to. When he does, it’s as if he’s relieved to finally let go as he collapses on top of you. His body nearly convulses and his toned physique allows you to see each contraction of muscle as they rippled through him. For some reason you find yourself thinking about weakness, and how this moment you feel completely open, unguarded… you wonder if Hyunwoo feels that too. If he’s ever felt it, what it means to be completely vulnerable for someone else. It makes your heart ache. 

His calloused hands find rest on your body here and there and eventually you both fall asleep wrapped around each other… it’s definitely something.

…

“This is relaxing,” you say as you smooth the soil around the stem of a newly planted fern. Your free hand lazily pats the mounds of dirt with the top of a trowel while Hyunwoo holds the other one in his hands.

“Mm,” he replies as he finishes wrapping the new bandage around your cut finger. It was a sweet, wordless gesture that made your heart warm at the sight but you didn’t want to bring too much attention to it. 

He releases your hand when he’s satisfied and immediately takes back his gardening tool. You’ve been helping him for the past few hours, mostly because you’ve realized it’s the only way you can really spend time with him during the day. 

He gives you simple tasks that you can’t really mess up, and he allows you to talk to him as much as you want. As long as he keeps moving, he probably wouldn’t even care if you just sat there and watched.

“Am I slowing you down?” you ask as he tunes back into his work. He looks over at you, and then turns around as if to see if anyone’s watching. He gives you a small smile and then shrugs.

“Are you trying to?” he asks with a raised brow. 

You shake your head and smile back. “I just like spending time with you.”

You notice the way Hyunwoo’s eyes almost disappear when he smiles even bigger now. There’s something about this man that makes you want to do anything for him. Fly him to another country, dress him up in something, eat expensive meals, and never leave the bedroom for days. But on top of that, you want to know what goes on in that head of his. You want to one day talk for hours and learn everything you can about him…

“Can we make another deal?” you finally ask. The question throws him off guard but he looks at you and nods. 

“What kind of deal?”

“If I help you get all your work done for today and tomorrow, you take tomorrow off.”

His face turns skeptical.

“You want to split two days work, in half the time?”

“I know you’re already ahead. And if there’s two of us…”

“You want to help me, so that I don’t have to work tomorrow. Why?”

“Well, obviously I expect something in return.”

He looks at you waiting for the catch. His stare alone makes you crumble just a bit, and regaining that composure is hard as always.

“You and I. Go out for brunch… and spend the day. Away from this house.” 

It’s much harder to sound confident with your request when you see his brows lower just a bit, and his expression twists into something of confusion. 

“What if you can’t keep up?” he asks, which isn’t the first question you were expecting but it sparks something like hope almost immediately.

“I’ll keep up,” you answer firmly because all that really matters is the fact he didn’t say no. He seems to ponder for a second before his face finally breaks into a quirked smile.

“Then it’s a deal.”

…

The rest of the day picks up rather quickly. He shows you what needs to be done and sends you on your way. You do the best you can, picking your tools mostly going off of memory from what you’ve seen Hyunwoo use. Some things don’t look nearly as good as what you imagine Hyunwoo would be capable of, but they get done. It doesn’t take long for the blisters on your hand to appear and the sweat to start running down your face, but you tell yourself to just keep moving. You think about the questions you’ll finally have the chance to ask when you finally sit down at a table and just… talk.

You don’t bother to check the time not even once, so you’re a bit surprised when you see Betsy starring at you bug-eyed from the back porch. You can see the smile twitching at her lips as she tries not to burst out laughing or make a comment. Perhaps you’d laugh too if you saw yourself, covered in dirt and sweat, still wearing a sundress trying to move as fast as possible. But you don’t have time to laugh, so instead you stick up a gloved middle finger and send it her way. She laughs and calls out a goodbye, which catches you off guard because it can’t be that late, can it? 

It’s been a good couple hours and you haven’t seen Hyunwoo. You do see the sky though, and the sun is starting to set. Unfortunately, you’re not done with the work. You straighten your back for the first time since you started working and you nearly hiss in pain at the stretch. Your knees are sore, you’re covered in filth, and the bandage that had been wrapped around your finger from earlier has disappeared. You sit back just a little, but your body seems to be acting on its own accord as you fall further back to lay flat on the ground. 

You’re running out of time… 

Before you get too comfortable though, you notice the figure making its way towards you. It’s Hyunwoo and you realize he’s moving much faster than you thought. Before you can make out what’s happening, he’s kneeling over you with concern.

“Are you okay?” he asks shaking you just a little.

“Im fine!” you say as you jerk yourself up. Wide eyes stare back at each other until Hyunwoo relaxes first.

“I thought you fainted,” he says finally sitting down next to you. You can tell by the way his body sinks that this is probably the only break he’s taken since he started. He wipes the sweat off his forehead and you almost want to smile at the way he rushed over here.

“oh,” is all you can think to say. Your momentary happiness washes away when you take in the work you’ve just done. Unfinished. And you still didn’t get to the third flower bed…

“Wow, these look great,” Hyunwoo says as he looks over what you’ve done. He seems genuinely impressed. You try your bets to smile back, feeling almost delirious from the exhaustion. He looks down at the stains on your dress, and you try to brush some of it off feeling self-conscious. 

You didn’t finish. You couldn’t keep up. And you can’t even bring yourself to say it just yet. 

He looks around and then takes your hand in his. He gently pulls off the gloves and sets them on the ground between you.

“A deal is a deal,” he finally says as he lightly presses his thumbs into your palms. Its just enough to sooth the horrible cramping.

“I didn’t finfish,” you say almost embarrassed. The odd heaviness of guilt apparent. He quirks a smile, something knowing hidden in it. 

“don’t worry about it,” he says as he places a really fast kiss to your cheek. “You did great,” he adds and quickly gives your dress a quick brush to get rid of some dirt. Part of you feels relieved because you can barely think about working on another part of the yard, much less actually moving. 

“You even put the stone in nicely,” he says as he pulls himself off the ground.

You stare up at his figure towering over you, and the happiness creasing his features. You’re exhausted, but even through your body screaming in pain, you’d follow Hyunwoo to the ends of the earth. You try to untangle your legs and pull yourself up as well, but you limbs feel as though they’re on fire. 

Hyunwoo bends just enough to offer you his hand and pull you up himself. 

“I’ve been watching you since spring,” you nearly croak out as your body adjusts to supporting your weight. He blushes slightly, but his hold on you doesn’t falter as he wraps an arm around your back to make sure you don’t topple over. 

“I don’t know how you do it every day.”

You both walk slowly alongside each other to make your way to the patio. As you do, you nearly double-take. The third flower bed you hadn’t finished… well, its finished. So many things run through your head at that moment but all you can do is stare. The perfection of each placement that is so Hyunwoo, but then again who else would it be.

“How did you…” you trail off, but you feel the reassuring presence of his arm around you as it pulls you closer. His smile is just tucked away, as he keeps his gaze on the ground.

“You’re incredible,” you say simply, trying not to let the small bubbles of guilt and humiliation break through the sweetness of Hyunwoo’s action. You could kiss him right now. And you should…

“I’ve never been invited to brunch before,” he says with a hint of humor. His hand finds yours as you make your way to the first patio step. He squeezes it tenderly, but it hits you like a wave of emotion.

To feel so vulnerable for another person…

“Uh, I don’t know if I have clothes to wear for-”

“It doesn’t matter,” you interrupt with finality. “That doesn’t matter.”

He looks at you the slightest bit surprised, but with a soft smile that you could stare at forever. 

“Get some rest,” he says before releasing your hand. He leaves you there at the edge of the patio before turning to leave. But your hand still tingles from where it was just joined to his, and your heart thrums at the thought of tomorrow.


	8. hostage

Hyunwoo sits across from you with that same tense expression you remember from those first few dinners together so long ago. Maybe that’s why you get so nervous.

“So, have you had mimosas before?” you ask with a nod towards the glass in front of him.

“Orange juice?” he asks in confusion as he peers over the rim. You smile just a little, but don’t want to offend when you correct him next.

“There’s champagne in it as well,” you say softly and take a sip from your own glass.

He does as you do and lifts it with his entire fist wrapped around the thin stem. When he sets it back down he just gives you one single nod.

“Are you hungry?” you ask trying to find a window, anything to loosen him up a little.

This time he nods more enthusiastically, but his eyes only glaze over the menu in front of him. You cant blame him, there’s a bunch of French and squiggly letters, and not a single picture.

“How bout I pick something I think you’ll like,” you suggest, and he looks more than grateful as he finally sinks back a little in his chair. You see him look around at the restaurant, taking in the other tables. He’s not dressed like he owns a boat that he’s about to take out when he’s finished his meal, but he doesn’t stick out. You wish you could tell him this, better yet, you wish he was distracted enough so you didn’t have to.

“So, how did you get started? Landscaping,” you quickly clarify. He focuses back on you and his brows ease just the slightest bit.

“My father worked in construction, and my mother was a gardener. I’m so close to both of them, I started to fall somewhere in the middle,” he says after a second of thought.

You’ve never really heard him speak of his parents, but you find it endearing that he still considers himself close to them.

Before you can move to your next question, your waiter returns to your table. You order simple dishes for both of you and hope the sound of French words coming from your mouth doesn’t scare off Hyunwoo entirely.

When the waiter turns to leave you notice Hyunwoo’s looking around again, this time he speaks.

“This place is really nice.”

His voice seems a little saddened.

“Do you think I’d take you anywhere but?” you say trying to hide a small tinge of annoyance. It’s not directed towards Hyunwoo, just… everything else. He shouldn’t feel less than the smartest, kindest, handsomest guy here.

When you look back up at him he seems to be considering something. Maybe considering what you just said. Maybe considering you.

“Relax,” you say, breaking the silence. You reach for his hand, and he seems surprised. “You’re making me nervous,” you add with a swallow. You slide your fingertips over his knuckles. After a few seconds he flips his hand over slowly, so your fingers dance inside his palm.

“I didn’t think you got nervous,” he says before closing his fist around four fingers. You love how even this, even this, is Hyunwoo. The way his large, calloused hands easily enclose yours, and the way he has to silence his strength.

You clear your throat while the warmth of his skin seeps into yours. You don’t get nervous, you don’t feel afraid. You don’t take risks, or get hurt. You don’t live like you wish you did…

“A lot of things are different with you.”

The words ease out like they were caught on your breath. They sound effortlessly like truth, because they are. It feels good to say, even if they’re barely a whisper.

Despite that, you can’t lift your head. You can’t look up to see Hyunwoo’s response, and you let the words land wherever they do.

…

Everything goes smoothly and you find out a lot about Hyunwoo. His favorite color, where he grew up, he considers himself a good dancer, and just general stuff. Of course, you make a mental note to tone it down next time. Something more casual fitting. Hyunwoo didn’t seem to fully loosen up until you were both back inside your car. Hyunwoo eyed it, looking around curiously, just as he had done when he got in earlier.

“This is nice too,” he says with a hand against the leather. It should be nice, really nice, that’s what the overlapping R’s are for. It’s expensive, and it’s not like you ever really drive it. Not to mention it’s someone’s job to keep it spotless.

“Wanna give it a spin?” you ask without much thought.

He looks at you with wide eyes, just blinking.

“Do you… want… to drive it?” you ask slowly unbuckling your seat belt. The answer better be yes. It better be hell yes.

He thinks for a moment, and then begins moving all too fast as he nearly jumps out of the car to move to your side. Of course, he slows his movements to help you back out of the driver’s side, and slowly slides into your spot. You cant help but smile and shake your head to yourself.

“Just be easy,” you say getting into the passenger’s side. You can sense his excitement. You have to remind yourself Hyunwoo drives an old dirty pick up truck.

You both buckle up and he seems to hesitate for a second, just a second, before he pulls out onto the road. He contains himself for quite some time until you get onto less busy streets.

There’s something about the way his hand looks on the steering wheel. Just one. Large knuckles, focused, smiling… and his arms, slack, heavy… you can’t help but reach out for the one closest to you. He turns his head in your direction briefly and then lets his arm fall between the two of you, you pull it a little closer and you realize he isn’t sure what you want him to do with his hand. You slip your fingers around his wrist and bring it up to your lips.

One kiss. Two… and then a third long one as you let your lips push deeper against his veins. He relaxes for a second, and you untangle his fingers. His focus is partially divided, but when he feels one of his digits enter the warmth of your mouth you know you have his attention.

“Just drive, baby,” you say as you slide off his middle finger. He doesn’t say anything, but you can see the way his body readjusts. It’s not a complete shiver, but it’s close.

It’s only the middle of the day… but the windows are pretty tinted. Even if they weren’t you’d probably still bring your hand to Hyunwoo’s lap and let your body lean into an uncomfortable position so you can fit between his abdomen and the steering wheel.

Your fingers quickly undo the fastening on his pants, enough to sneak your hand through and feel the warmth radiating there. His skin is soft like velvet here, it is every time, especially in contrast to the small patch of coarse hair. With one loose squeeze, you can feel him stiffen. You only notice the uncertain arm carefully land against your shoulder. You release him from his pants and start a controlled motion just to get him to his full hardness. It only takes a few strokes, and with each one a bead of warm liquid lows from the tip. Your mouth waters at the sight of him in daylight, and it makes you impatient, as you sink lower against him.

“Don’t crash,” is all you say before your lips wrap both carefully and urgently around him. It’s odd, because even though it seems silly- you don’t want to accidentally hurt him. Never. And with each slow bob of your head you’re careful to not suck too hard, nor graze his skin with your nails or teeth…. After a few seconds you can hear the change in his breath and the light hold he has around your hair. It makes you hum around his skin and your pace quickens.

You can smell the exact scent of his body wash. You can taste him, and part of you wants to devour him- take him apart and keep him in constant pleasure. You want him to look at you, like you’re the only one who can unravel him… like he’s never felt so good.

Your determination must be working , because you can feel the light pull of his muscles as they tense beneath his skin. The hold he has at the base of your neck is the slightest bit tighter.

“We’re.. we’re almost at the house,” he says in a low exhale. You know he’s close enough to let go soon.

“Then you should finish,” you say against his skin. And almost perfectly timed, you pump just a few more times, just enough to build up the rhythm you were working, and as you near the long stretch of drive way you feel the gush of heat as it enters your mouth. You swallow it fast and continue swallowing until there’s no trace of him left.

You quickly tuck him back in his pants and straighten yourself out with a few dabs off the corner of your mouth. He takes a few looks at you, but it’s a look you can’t’ read. It’s as if he’s looking at you for the first time. And you can’t tell if that’s a good thing…

…

As if scheduled you end up in bed together almost every night. You’ve been meaning to talk to him about what you are, or what’s going on. You aren’t sure how you’ll phrase it just yet, but you have to tell him how you feel. It’s way overdue and you’re running out of time before your parents get back. Being close to him will be impossible then.

So you’ve been meaning to say something. Really, you have… but you just get preoccupied…

“Don’t stop,” you say lacing your hands through his hair. With his tongue between your legs, how could you think about anything else?

He looks up at you, focus written all over his face as he spreads your legs a bit wider. He’s not using anywhere close to all of his strength, but the little bit of pressure he adds to the stretch makes you whimper a little and the strain on your muscles cause them to quiver.

“Hyunwoo,” is all you can manage to say through heavy breaths.

He continues to eat you out and with each flick of his tongue it feels like your head is going to explode. Its almost unexpected when he silently reaches for your hand and guides it to the bundle of nerves at your core. You look at him in surprise as he lowers himself more to push his tongue as far into you as he can. He wants you touch yourself while he’s doing that? You might as well just come now and get it over with.

It’s odd, because something about it makes you a little shy. Your fingers make slow circles around your pubic bone while he’s literally at eye level with your every movement. But if this is what he wants to see…

“You too,” you say trying to hide your lack of confidence. His eyes look up to meet yours, slowly opening, his dark irises, seem even darker. He doesn’t say anything or even stop his movements. He just shifts enough, barely. Releasing one of your legs. As he leans on one side to reach a hand inside his sweatpants. Its not the same.

“I want… to see…” you say trailing off. He looks back up with those dark eyes. You’ve never seen him look so hungry before. It takes him all of a second to yank down his sweat pants enough for you to see him. You should be used to it by now, but every time you see his length, swelling and upright…

Your hands move without much thought now. You’ve never done something like this. Watching him, wondering if he does this ever when he’s alone. If he ever does it to thoughts of you.

You can’t help but moan, and even through the sleepiness clouding Hyunwoo, he hums in response. You had woken hip up out of the sheer urgency to talk to him, but whether you got scared or just horny, you didn’t get much out.

Hyunwoo’s wrist moves much faster around himself then his tongue which is controlled and smooth as it licks at every inch of you. You could easily reach the edge if you just focused on that alone. Just focus on him… his muscular bare torso between your legs, his dark messy hair, glowing tan skin. Everything you love so much about him. Just him in general.. you love…

You love him.

“Hyunwoo, I…” you say gasping. “Hyunwoo,” you moan loudly.

You see his wrist grip himself tighter, you feel his tongue darting in and out of your folds. Your own fingers have started moving haphazardly.

“Hyunwoo I lo- ahh! I’m gonna come,” you cut yourself off as your eyes screw shut. Your body tightens and your hands reach straight for Hyunwoo’s hair. His tongue seems to cover as much space as it can, licking up whatever it can find and then as you feel yourself convulsing you hear the unmistakable low grunts of Hyunwoo as his head goes limp against your thigh.

Spurts of him land on the bed next to him and he pants as he finally orgasms.

There are so many things you could say, so many things you feel… but just looking at him, spent and trying to roll onto his back makes you wonder if there’s ever a good time. You decided that now isn’t, and you carefully roll out of bed trying to pull the dirty sheet from under him.

“I’ll take care of this,” you say bundling it up. He nods once looking like he’s going to pass out as he lifts his hips enough to pull up his sweatpants.

I’ll take care of you, is what you mean.


	9. roll back

You can’t help but get the feeling something is wrong. After a few days, things start to seem… quiet. 

Despite reaching the end of the deal you made, you continue to cook dinner most nights, getting into the hang of it. In fact, it has become almost therapeutic in some ways. However, it is becoming more and more obvious that something is changing again between you and Hyunwoo, and it’s not looking very good. 

As you both sit down for dinner, there’s a distance. It’s reminiscent of those first few nights together and you become suddenly very aware that Hyunwoo is eating in complete silence while you look at him from across the table. In fact, it is possible that he hasn’t said a word all day. 

You think about asking him if he’s okay. You think about saying something… but there’s a fear holding you back. The way he eats his food unbothered, blankly, as if he doesn’t even notice you. You think maybe he knows how you feel, deep down. That maybe he’s figured out how serious those feeling are… 

So what does this mean? Rejection?

“I’m tired,” he says interrupting your thoughts. You look down and see his empty plate. He’s dressed in his usual, but there’s a tiredness in his eyes you didn’t notice before. Or maybe it’s boredom.

“Finished already?” you say in genuine surprise.

“I’d like to get to bed a little early today. I’m worn out.” He stands while he lets out his last words and makes his way to the sink. He’s about to begin rinsing it when you interject.

“I’ll get it, you can go.”He looks at you momentarily, hanging eyes, and just nods without a word. You watch him leave, making his way out of the house without even a goodnight. You can’t hep feel your temper flare for a moment, just before the sadness creeps in. You pick up your half-eaten plate and take it to the trash, dumping what’s left. 

What is there to say anymore?

You could continue this spiral of self-deprecation but your phone rings from the table where you left it. Its not Hyunwoo of course, it wouldn’t make sense if it was, but you feel even more disappointed when you realize it’s your parents calling once again. You had spoken to them a few times and it turns out their vacation has taken a turn. They miss you, they worry, and apparently all their favorite places have become overrun tourists attraction with inferior service now. You had rolled your eyes, happy they couldn’t see just how ridiculous you found them.

“Hello?” you answer the phone, greeted by your mother’s voice once more. She starts off pleasant enough with the ‘hello, darling’ but it doesn’t take long for her to get wrapped up in her favorite divulging of disappointment and criticism. It isn’t half-way through when you hear your father in the background speaking and the sound of loudspeaker announcements that you realize what is happening.

“Are you at an airport?” you ask with confusion. It’s only been a few weeks since they left, and a day since you spoke to them.

“Yes, your father and I decided to cut our trip a bit short. It just isn’t the same without you.”You feel your heart sink just a bit and if you weren’t upset before, this would have done it.

“When will you be back?” you ask, crossing your fingers and trying not to give yourself away through your tone. There’s a short pause as you hear your mother sigh and think for a moment. 

“We’ve decided to make a few stops so the flights don’t seem as long, you know your father get’s grumpy on long flights, so I imagine within the next day or two.” You don’t get a word in before she quickly begins adding, “Oh, alright well we love you, our flight is boarding so I’m going to have to put this thing away, but I’ll see you soon darling, muaahh.”

You hear the words all at once and the phone is still attached to your ear a few seconds after her voice disappears. 

…

You couldn’t sleep. That night you lay awake thinking that you have a time limit. This is it… you were expecting more time. Now, how are you supposed to tell Hyunwoo how you feel? The stress builds and builds even when you eventually do fall asleep. By the time morning comes you nearly dart out of bed, inspecting the house with each step. You find small things out of place and it irritates you today because, well, you have a lot on your mind. 

You haven’t been paying much attention to the house- what is clean, what isn’t- and now that you look around you’re noticing things your parents would be more than happy to “relieve someone of their duties” for. You also realize that you’ve been pretty lax, allowing workers to miss days because you didn’t mind at the time. 

Maybe you wanted a distraction. Maybe you were harboring so much frustration you just…snapped.

When you made your way outside you didn’t look for Hyunwoo. You focused in on George, your main housekeeper, as he wiped down the patio furniture conversating with Betsy and one other cleaner whose name you did not know.

“Can someone explain to me why the house looks absolutely repulsive?” you asked with a cold even tone. Your words must have caught everyone off guard as they looked at you in surprise. You waited, but received no answer until Betsy looked at you with furrowed brows.

“What would be the matter, miss?” she asked in all politeness, but the look on her face was a bit betrayed. You looked away.

“What isn’t the matter? The place looks like a shithole. There’s dust everywhere, the floor hasn’t been polished in a month, a light bulb burned out in the chandelier, and for god sake the dry cleaning hasn’t been pick up still. I could go on, but it would appear my parents are coming back in the next day or so and it might be more productive if we just get a move on-“

“What can I help with?” you hear Hyunwoo’s voice as he appears out of peripheral. You pause for only a second as you take him in.

“Nothing, you have your own work to do.”

“I finished it yesterday, there’s not much-“

“Then take the day off, I’m not speaking to you right now,” you say a bit too harshly. You don’t even have time to apologize or feel ashamed. Hyunwoo doesn’t interrupt after that, just stands there quietly, looking at you the same way Betsy is. 

“Now, George,” you continue, “get your crew together please. You know what my father is like, he’ll be looking for anything to complain about. I suggest you clean the gun room yourself and have everyone else work on the rest of the house. Betsy, whatever you had prepped freeze it or throw it away and make whatever my father usually asks for.”

Without anymore words they both nod once and walk away without eye contact. Leaving Hyunwoo standing there, looking at you like a stranger.

“You don’t have to speak to them like that,” he says. You turn your head so fast you nearly pull a muscles. 

“Excuse me?” you start, “I wouldn’t have to speak at all if everyone did their job. Let’s not forget who works for who.”

“You just told me to take the day off. I’m not speaking as your employee,” he clarifies- presenting a challenge. 

The irony makes you laugh. All this time, what else could you have called him? Your friend, your boyfriend? The crushing reality hits you as you remind yourself your parents are coming home. They are coming back, and you’ll never get the chance to tell him how you feel. Even if you did… there’s nothing that can come of it. He is Son Hyunwoo, the gardener. He works for you.

You look into his eyes, focused on you. The eyes you get lost in. You look at his face, smooth, handsome. His broad shoulders… him. You’ll miss him more than anything, and you say,

“That’s all you are.” 

…

You make it a point to avoid Hyunwoo at all costs, even as he disobeys your requests and you find him alongside George or Betsy helping them with their tasks. It makes you angry, especially later in the day when you try to find Betsy to maybe apologize and there he is, in the kitchen helping her prepare food. When you walk in their smiles fade a bit, and they go quiet. 

You roll your eyes in annoyance, but you feel a bit hurt. So you grab an apple off of the island without a word and retreat back to your room, doing your best not to feel bothered. 

You can’t help but worry as you lay in bed. Worry, and worry… about what? Life going back to normal? Losing Hyunwoo? Having to deal with your parents? You can’t rationalize why these things are causing such feelings, but they are. It feels like your happiness is being stripped away, but it also feels like you aren’t allowed to fight for it. You just have to let it happen. Suck it up and grow up. 

Time flies as you notice the sunsetting behind the balcony doors. You realize you spent a good couple hours just laying and thinking, when a knock on the door pulls you away from your thoughts. You expect it to be Betsy, so you grumble a “come in” from your pillow. You’re surprised when the door opens in silence and it’s Hyunwoo who silently lets himself in. 

“Close the door,” you say as you quickly sit up, and try to smother your surprise. You consider the chances your parents could still arrive home tonight and wonder how much trouble there would be if they knew Hyunwoo was in your bedroom.

“What are you doing up here?” You add.

His eyes still look confused, maybe hurt, or just uncertain. He’s looking at you as if he doesn’t know what to say. 

“Are you okay?” he finally asks, keeping his distance still close to the door. 

The question catches you off guard. You aren’t expecting him to be concerned. Of course, you’re not okay, but how could you explain it to him? 

“I’m fine,” you say swallowing. 

He continues to look at you from a distance. 

“I don’t know when my parents will get back…” you say, hoping he gets it. There is no “you and Hyunwoo” after that. 

He stares at you and makes his way to your bed. He seems hesitant, but fearless too. It’s as if there’s something normal about this, because it is, but the air has changed… so it’s not. 

Looking at him like this is enough to break down your walls. You never imagined you’d see him so upset, and you’re the cause…

“What you said,” he starts as he sits down on the bed next to you, looking nervous, and sad. You don’t want to think about that, you wish you’d have never said that.

“That wasn’t-” he begins, but you cut him off by grabbing him by his shirt and kissing him abruptly. Your heart is pounding and you’re already regretting this, but this might be the last time you ever get the chance.

“Please, just…” you say not knowing how to finish. His brows are furrowed and he takes a deep breath before leaning in to kiss you again. This is easier than talking.

After a few moments, your hand roam the edges of his shirt, but he pulls your hands away from removing the fabric.

“Do you get everything you want?” he asks when your lips break away. The words are a slap in the face but before you can even respond, he’s getting off the bed. You’re about to protest, or apologize, but before he gets far enough away he pulls you by the waist, flipping you over so easily. 

“Guess so,” he answers himself sounding disappointed as he pulls your hips upward so you’re on your knees with your ass to him. He lifts your dress in one sweep, and yanks down your underwear, exposing yourself to him. You gulp. He’s never handles you this way before. He’s never spoken to you like that either…

“Are you angry at me?” you ask feeling your voice slightly tremble as your heart beats faster. He doesn’t respond, but you can feel the warmth between your legs and the tightness in your core at the suspense.

You hear him spit in his hand just before you feel the wetness meet your entrance as he smooths his lubricated palm across you. It causes your breath to get caught in your throat, and the surprise leaves your mouth open as you try to wrap your head around what’s happening.

Your chest falls to the mattress and you stay completely quiet as you focus on his hand rubbing against you until you feel one finger slide into you. The small gasp you make sounds loud in the quiet room, but he doesn’t acknowledge it. 

“Hyunwoo,” you say as you push yourself farther back onto his finger, trying to make contact with him. His other hand holds you in place, firm against your lower back. He pushes a second finger in, but only does it a few times as he clearly assess you’re wet enough. 

“Hyunwoo,” you say again, this time you turn your head to look behind you and you see him undoing his pants, fully erect, as he steps right behind you on the bed. His eyes are piercing, but there’s something in them you’ve never seen before. 

“Turn around,” is all he says, almost cooly. He isn’t making eye contact, but his gaze is directed between your legs where he’s just about ready to line himself up with. He seems focused, like this is a job, and his tone is just… authoritative.

So you listen, and turn your head feeling a bit of shame. But almost immediately you feel him press himself against you. You take a breath feeling the slight pressure as he pushes into you. The sensation is electrifying and you feel your legs tingle immediately as your body begins to submit to that feeling. You can’t help but arch your back and lean against him. 

He grunts once by mistake, its soft but you can’t miss it, before he works up a pace. There’s no time to really adjust as you feel him sliding in and out of you.

“You’re fucking me like your mad at me,” you say as quietly as you can, but the words are jagged as they’re interrupted by each jolt of his hips. He doesn’t really respond just grips your hips tightly with his hands, and continues pushing into you. 

It’s impossible to stay quiet so no one will hear. He’s fucking you harder than he has before, and it brings about an early orgasm as your body trembles. However, as soon as your walls start convulsing, he pulls out almost immediately. You turn a bit too slowly to see he is quickly pulling his pants up, tucking himself in, and looking at you with those narrowed eyes.

“You didn’t-” you say trying to catch your breath, as you pull your dress down.

This time you really look at him, and you see that thing you didn’t see before… its that vulnerability. He’s unsure, and he didn’t come up here for this. And it’s heartbreaking to know, you might have just answered the only question that matters wrong.

“Hyunwoo… It’s not gonna work…” you say trailing off as he stands directly in front of you. He doesn’t respond, just looks at you with those eyes. He looks almost lost, like he’s thinking hard about something. 

“You don’t want to see each other anymore?” he asks directly, already knowing the answer.

“It’s not that. It’s not about what I want,” you say. “We’re just different, and my parents…”

He looks away, like that was all the answer he needed. He looks away like he really does understand, maybe he just hoped…

“I said the same thing. I came up here because Betsy told me you don’t think like that. She said you wouldn’t let that change anything.”

He makes his way to the door. You want to stop him, say something, but… what? Clearly, you are letting that change everything.

He opens the door without a second glance at you, and walks away. Leaving you to realize, that was your chance. It wasn’t fate, it wasn’t the books, the movies, or even your parents… it was just you.


	10. notion

You’re dressed in a typical looking summer dress. It’s a pale yellow that compliments the new tone of your skin from all those days out in the sun. It feels like summer is nearing the end, even though it’s not. Just the good part… the best part. You look at your hair in the mirror, your mother will probably comment on needing a trim but that’s okay. Your nails could use a manicure, sure. None of that had mattered these last weeks.

You check your phone once again for the time and decide to leave it behind in your bedroom. As you make your way down the steps you avoid looking in the direction of the small library- your sanctuary. Your temple of hope… and the dreams that had been blooming just a few days ago. It makes your stomach uneasy.

You make your way through the quiet house and notice a few people finishing up the last bit of work. Looking for the smallest details to be buffed. It makes you sigh, and it feels like your body gets ten pounds heavier.

Down the hallways and to the large front doors, you walk and shed the last bits of memories. The last bit of feeling you had left. Its easier to abandon it.

Your parents should be here any moment. So you open the front door, leave it open, wide open. And you sit down in the entry way, resting your head against the door frame. A few moments go by unbothered. You suppose it will be a nice welcoming gesture when they’re chauffeured up the drive way. They will see you waiting for them and they might be surprised… but they won’t notice the left over tears lining your face. Or maybe they will… and in their self absorption they will surely mistake it for happiness to see them… relief to have them back. Something absurd.

So when the gates open, and you see the black recognizable car sail up the drive, you allow the tears to fall one by one, quietly and secretly before wiping them away and picking yourself up.

…

Dinner that night is treated like a celebration, or a gift. Your parents have Betsy prepare dinner and they talk and talk about their brief travels. You notice the glow of your mother’s skin, but there’s something unnatural about it, especially in comparison to your father’s. You assume she didn’t spend nearly as much time out in the sun as the tan would lead you to believe, but instead had a spray tan applied to fit in on whatever beach she had visited. You can see her now- large brimmed hat, sunglasses, drink in hand as she sits somewhere shaded fanning herself from the “terrible heat.”

Despite that, she has sweeter stories to tell than your father who seems to be unhappy about the entirety of the whole vacation.

The patio was swept and hosed down and you insisted on eating outside tonight. It was your idea to suggest Betsy make extra food for everyone else to be able to enjoy. This meant of course, Hyunwoo, Betsy, George, and whoever stuck around this late could relax a bit and take a second to suck up to your parents for their generosity and mention how nice it was to have them back.

“So,” your mother began noticing the way your eyes would drift in the direction of the guest house waiting your Hyunwoo to appear. “How has Hyunwoo liked his stay so far?”

Her honey voice and narrowed eyes were a mere insinuation, but not a direct one.

“I think he says how much he appreciates it at least three times a day. He doesn’t think he deserves it, but I personally believe I’ve never seen the yard look better.”

Your father nods in approval and your mother’s lips purse just enough to hide her accusatory smile.

“He has a gift,” your father grunts, but there’s something dismissive about it.

“Its nice that he’s about your age. I’m sure that helped, having someone to talk to while we were away.” In contrast to her demeanor she was snake like, intuitive, and quick to judge.

“Yeah, I believe he might almost consider me a friend,” you say hoping that Betsy delivers the food soon. You take a sip of your wine glass, swirling it around out of boredom but also anticipation. Hyunwoo surely will stop by, if anything to say hello.

“I think he’s very attractive,” your mother goads with a lift in her brows. Your father looks at her approvingly.

“Don’t you start,” he huffs.

Just before the conversation can progress you watch as Betsy carries out a roasting pan with a steaming chicken, browned and seasoned. Your mouth waters at the sight alone, but the smell is strong full of flavor.

“Betsy this is absolutely amazing!” your mother coos as she places it on the table and begins to cut it. You’re so distracted that you don’t notice the quiet footsteps approach behind you until Betsy speaks.

“Ah, Hyunwoo, why don’t you help be bring out the rest of the dishes.”

You turn your head to see him wearing a short sleeve button down, clean and neat. His khaki shorts wrinkle free as if he had planned to impress tonight.

“I’ll help too,” you say jumping to your feet. He briefly glances in your direction.

“Nice to see you again, hope you enjoyed your trip,” Hyunwoo says with a smile directed at your parents. Your mom looks at him with a wide grin, and your father responds pleasantly reaching out a hand to shake.

“Ah, we wont get into it just yet. But, my, the work you’ve done out here is absolutely spectacular.”

You don’t wait to hear the rest, but instead make your way into the kitchen and wait for Hyunwoo to follow. When he steps inside, expression softening from the praise, he looks at you.

“That’s a nice dress,” is all he says.

“Thank you,” you say nervously as you pick up a dish off of the counter. You don’t move until he’s there as well doing the same.

“You look nice as well,” you say. Because he does. He always does.

He responds with a curt smile and takes his dish and begins to walk away, you hesitate, wanting to say something, but he’s already strides ahead of you.

…

Dinner goes smoothly. Hyunwoo sits across form you next to your father, and you notice how your mother watches each time you look in his direction. They talk, hyunwoo politely listening with brief interjections of agreement or questions. Your father rants about business, and the economy. Your mother sits quietly, eating… occasionally rolling her eyes and only speaking up when she disagrees with your father.

You aren’t paying close attention to notice when exactly it gets brought up, but you notice the moment both of your parents eyes land on you.

“Cooking? She can’t cook” you hear your father snort.

“Where did you learn to cook?” your mother asks looking at you in amazement.

You look at them both, over to Betsy and then back at Hyunwoo.

“Uh, I’ve watched Betsy,” you say with a shrug.

“It was delicious,” Hyunwoo compliments casually, with a slight awkward smile. The shock on your parents face is annoying to say the least, and Hyunwoo must pick up on it because he gracefully switches their attention towards the hedges, asking for their opinions on the additional height.

Afterwards you notice a slight apologetic look from Hyunwoo, and a rather distrustful one from your mother, as if whatever suspicions she had have been proved true.

Not long after, the conversation begins to slow and Hyunwoo is first to excuse himself. Its not too much later that its just you sitting across from your parents with a pit in your gut as you cant manage to finish your plate.

“So, you’re a cook now?” your mother begins, “that doesn’t sound like you.”

You look up at her, noticing the way your father seems to mimic her curiosity.

“I got bored, like you anticipated,” you answer raising an eyebrow.

“Hyunwoo seems to enjoy it,” she says with a slight challenge.

“He’s just being polite,” you say tightening your jaw just a bit.

“That he is,” your mother says a bit softly. “he’s a very nice young man.”

Your father looks over at her, a question on his face.

“What’s your point?” you ask trying to remain amicable.

Your mom shrugs, “there isn’t one. Just an observation.”

“His parents also aren’t millionaires, and he didn’t graduate from an Ivy League school. I’m sure you’ve already observed that.” You let a bit of bitterness leak into your words, and your father is first to respond.

“What does that matter to us?” He says, showcasing his offense.

You only roll your eyes, and your mom keeps quiet for a moment.

“He’s a very nice young man,” your other says with a sigh. It sounds like realization, it gives you a weird sliver of hope. Like maybe… they really do think he’s great.

“And it is too bad he’s less fortunate than us, but we can’t continue to pity him,” your mother adds. The words strike fire in you, because… pity? She thinks this is all for pity?

Your father nods in agreement. “yes, dear, I enjoy his work but cooking for him? Cleaning out a guest house? the… charges on your credit card?”

Your throat tightens. You forgot about the purchases you made at all of the male clothing stores…

“That’s not.. its not… not like that…” you stammer out.

“So what is it like then?” your mother asks with a serious expression.

“you said it yourself,” you say shyly, “he’s just a really great… worker.”

You finish the words the safest way possible. The only way you know how to. the only way that would make sense.

“Yes and we pay him for that. It’s unprofessional to give him special treatment just because you might fancy his appearance,” your father says with a roll of his eyes

“its not about his appearance,” you say quickly, “i… I enjoy his company. We get along.”

“You don’t have anything in common,” your mother charges immediately.

“Well, I’d like to!” you say with a quick flare of your temper. “He’s hardworking, smart, funny, kind… he’s… he’s-“

“what are you saying?” your father interjects, face red.

You think for a moment… you try to relax. You remind yourself it doesn’t have to go there, nothing good will come of this. But, instead you remember all the time you spent together. all the feelings that you had suppressed out of fear, and here they were face to face ready to fight.

“I’m saying, I think….” You look at both of your parents mustering the confidence you have. Its then you notice Betsy peeking out of the back door. Her eyes are wide, mouth open… but you can see the excitement in her surprise. She’s been listening, and she gives you a look of amazement , which is enough to push the last sentence out.

“I’m saying I think I’d like to start seeing him.”


	11. kiwi

The night had fallen silent, tense and awkward. Your parents both seemed to close up, their eyes making their way anywhere but to meet yours. It was without a doubt the most uneasy predicament, sitting in the aftermath waiting for any response. Any at all.

Eventually you felt the tears begin to well, and before anyone could see them roll free, you picked yourself up, and with a noise of disgust you ran into the house, taking sanctuary in the only place you could.

The library was dark, and the bit of light that shined through came straight from the balcony doors. You could barely bring yourself to open them- in need of air but sensing the longing you might feel if you so much as glanced in direction of the guest house. There was a bubbling in your stomach as you considered what this could mean for Hyunwoo. 

You must have fallen asleep, because when your eyes fluttered open you immediately noticed the hushed sounds of voices. They came from outside the library doors, close by, and near hisses. It didn’t take long for you to piece things together. Your parents clearly, not realizing you were not in your room, were attempting a quiet argument over what had unfolded not hours before.

“He definitely doesn’t seem like the brightest,” it began. Your father’s deep grumble still sounded ashamed if not shy. “If it's money hes after we can just give him a couple thousand to stay away from her.”

You could imagine your mothers face. Bewildered by the suggestion as your father continued his explanation.

“… a couple thousand, to keep him away from her and her inheritance.”

By now you had shifted as close to the door as possible. They must be standing in the hallway, far from the guest house, the kitchen, and your bedroom.

“Honestly dear,” you hear the chime of your mother, “he doesn’t seem like the type, he might not even be aware of her little infatuation, shes’ so delusional-“

“I don’t want to take any chances,” your father interrupts.

You catch bits and pieces as the heat in your body rises. You can feel the eruption building, your stomach, throat, eyes all building with pressure.

“-- relax, this is probably just one of her phases, I can call up Dr. Carlton, have her go in and talk it out-“

“She’s not a child anymore this rebellion needs to stop… "

“what if she really does like him, you can't be so hard on her-"

“Like him? Like what? He has no personality, I’ve seen his resume… he’s a work horse, people don’t just choose to live like that….dim-witted… after easy money…. Seen it before- “

With each word you over hear you can feel your heart shattering into a million pieces. Each word sends your hand gripping the knob and rushing out of the library, not bothering to see the precise location of their bicker, but knowing as the voices halt that they see you. You march your way down to the armory, the sound of footsteps following hesitant, and a voice echoing from afar belonging to Betsy maybe.

You don’t notice if they call after you, or if they're in any hurry to follow. You simply carry on, finding your way into the room wallpapered with useless antiques. It’s fitting that the easiest thing to reach for is a medieval looking halberd with a chip in the blade. It removes from the wall easy, and you’re not really thinking much at all.

You can hear their voices, your parents, as they approach and in an instant there is molten lava flooding your veins. Before a single coherent thought enters your mind your winding back your arm, weapon in hand, and with full force you plunge the blade deep into the wood center of the pool table. 

You hear the gasp somewhere form behind you, but it’s all in your peripheral. You can feel the heat and moisture running down your cheeks, but there's something freeing about the wreckage that moves you to continue.

“Dim-witted!?” you holler loud enough for your parents to hear where they’re stopped in the doorway. Your father is looking stiff as usual, sighing as he takes in the hatchet lodged into his pool table. You reach for a nearby vase and your mother’s hand comes up to cover her mouth as she holds back a squeal. 

“Work horse?” you scream as you smash it down on the ground. The sound of the crash, and the shattered pieces on the ground almost seem like shackles finally broken.

You kick one of the knight armors over, and quickly reach for one of the pool sticks hanging high on the wall.

“Delusional!” you finally roar and you can’t hold back as you start to swing at everything in sight. You probably could have continued until every last thing in that room was turned to rubble, but only seconds later you're interrupted.

Your father’s voice finally cuts in, “that’s enough!” he says, fighting the urge to maintain his image. Your mother is tucked close trying to hide against him. 

“Has this boy really lead you to go mad?!” he asks.

“No, father! That would be you, and you mother. After so many years I never expected you to start understanding me now, or anything important for that matter, but I think I’ve finally reached my limit” you say as you take a couple steps towards them. You still have the pool stick in hand which your mother and father both seem to look at as if they think you’d actually hurt them. 

“Let me tell you something that your “friends” never had the courage to tell you,” you say as you poke the stick towards your father’s face. Frozen in place as his eyes focus on the tip of the stick.

“You’re an awful man,” you say and give him a small jab to the gut bumping him out of the way for you to get past them. 

You immediately run to your room with the intention of packing a bag and leaving. but the second you close the door behind you, you feel that freeness begin to fade as if your trapped all over. As if the realization hits you that this is indeed your reality, your life, your parents... and you have nowhere else to go. 

You crumble into your mattress and allow the sobs to cascade through your body one at a time. You almost miss the small knock on your door as it open and a soft, but stern voice catches your attention.

“Miss,” you hear as you lift your head. It's Betsy, with a look on your face you wouldn't expect to see at the moment. It's something of fierce proudness, a grin so subtle but clear and a light in her eyes. "that wasn't very lady like of you."

You roll your eyes a bit, the tightness in your chest subsiding at the appearance of a friend.

"You're father is still trying to pry out that fancy ax you lodged into his table," she says with a small giggle. You do your best to wipe your face, smearing tears and goo around.

"I don't feel bad yet, but I suppose I will later," you say avoiding eye contact.

You feel her warm hand come up to your cheek as she looks down at you. 

"That kind of courage isn't something to feel bad about," she says with a tenderness that you let lift you and break you again as you fall forward into the most welcomed embrace you've ever had.

"When you were a girl, you had so much of that. You were truly fearless," Betsy coos as she wraps her arms around you tightly. "I remember thinking, I can't wait to meet the woman you become."

You feel the tears stream your cheeks, and they soak into the fabric of Betsy's apron.

"I always saw you running off with someone who made you think, made you feel. Someone who showed you a piece of the word that you were missing. When you were little you told me you wanted to fall in love with a cowboy, not a prince charming."

At this you let out a small laugh, and you feel Betsy's hands move to cup your cheeks. She lifts your head to look at you with an expression of love that's always been there.

"I never told you this, I didn’t think you'd believe me… but you're the reason i'm still here. I've watched you grow, I love you like you're my own," she says stroking your hair. You think about this, and the warmth in your heart is something unexplainable. It's not the feeling you get from Hyunwoo, or from reading about romance... it's the feeling you get form diving into a pool and reaching the bottom. Its the feeling of driving a blade into a wood table, and gardening from sun up till sundown.

You quickly remove Betsy's hands from your cheeks and reach into your bedside drawer. Inside, you've kept a priceless heirlum that fits into an old sock that you've kept for years. 

"Do you remember the mermaid stone?" you ask sniffling as you pull out the lump. 

Betsy quirks a brow, and looks down as you pull out the worn fabric. When you were a child, you used to make up games during the summer. When you first learned to swim you had taken a special rock that had been given to you by your grandmother. It was beautiful, and you loved it so much she gave it to you with the request that you not tell your parents and you keep it safe. She told you it was magical. You didn't realize it then, but it was very valuable and she had entrusted it to you as a child. 

You would sneak it out when you were alone, and throw it into the pool and search for it. You called it the mermaid stone, and sometimes Betsy would play along, searching for this magical stone that lay at the bottom of the pool. 

"Here, it's Taaffeite," you say handing it to her. She looks at it perplexed as she reaches into the sock, words not meaning much to her. "I think it's quite ugly, don't you?" 

Betsy eyes widen as she looks at the stone, turning it around in her hand. It's far from ugly, and Betsy smiles softly as her hand curls around it tightly. 

"It's worth a shit ton of money," you add. She reaches a free hand out to you and you see the slight quiver of her lip through her widening smile. You think about her depositing this last check, getting that stone appraised and finally being able to spend time with her family.

"You're fired, Betsy," you say with the most joy you've felt in your entire life. 

"You know," she says through a shaky breath, "my daughter reminds me of you when you were little. Now, I can't tell you what to do, miss..." Betsy says as she stuffs the stone in her apron pocket and straightens herself up. "But, I can tell you what I should have told you all those years ago."

She reaches out a hand, and you latch onto it as she pulls you out of bed. The room has lightened it seems, and there s a freeness in your chest. You stare into Betsy's eyes, and with a wink she says...

"Cowboys are much better with their hand"


End file.
